MEMORIES OF JANICE

I found the box in the attic
A flat, rigid white box
The sort that special greetings card came in
It was immediately familiar
Reminding me of my first love
For inside the box
Carefully kept and preserved
Were the love letters from Janice
Scented with cheap perfume
Letters full of young girls chatter
About favourite pop groups and fashions
And the days “must haves”
Talk of adolescent love and longing
Honey coated words of first love
Kept in the same box as her valentines card
Teenage love fondly remembered
The perfume was still evocative
Though faded like the memory
But I could see her pretty face
Framed with that fine brown hair
Cut in a Bob, so it kissed her neck as she moved
Her developing figure that hinted at what would be
Her gentle laugh that made you turn your eyes to her
The soft delicate hands that felt so good in mine
That first kiss that lingered on my lips
Long after we parted
I smiled at the memory
And wondered how her life went
What kind of woman did she become?
Did her aspirations bear fruit?
Or did she muddle through the years like the rest of us
Best not to know probably
The truth might diminish the memory
Of a sweet young girl

BROADBAND CONNECTION

I knew her name
And her email address
And I knew she was a poet
But that was all I guess
From her writing I divined a little more
She was clearly a Christian
And seemed to be an optimist
But I learned little more than this
Her profile only told me her age
And that we were from the same country
However I thought I should contact her
I don’t really know why
I don’t make a habit of it
It’s not in my nature to pry
And I’m not one to seek out correspondents
I have never foisted my self
I’ve never been a joiner of things
Or active looked for acquaintance
However I felt almost compelled
No I actually felt compelled
There was something you see
In her writing I suppose
That struck a chord in me
A kindred spirit possibly
Maybe we saw through the same eyes
Or shared the same moral compass
Or both like apple pies
I don’t know what it was
A connection of some kind
On some obscure level
I should say quite clearly
There was no romantic motive
I’m wasn’t looking for a lover
That ship sailed long ago
Nor did I need a companion
So what prompted it, I don’t know
That aside I then faced the problem
Of what I should say to her
I couldn’t say I felt compelled
Or I felt there was a connection
She would have thought me mad
But while I struggled to find the words
A message popped into my inbox
And it was from her, I opened it instantly
Read the first line and smiled
“I hope you don’t mind me contacting you
I’m not sure what prompted me to write”
Isn’t life strange?

A LONG WALK WITH GOD

CHRIST THE REDEEMER

Christ the redeemer
He died on the cross
He died to save us
And His majesty
Made of the world
A place of hope
A place of grace
A place of freedom
A place of love
He called us from the darkness
Into His loving light

GOD IS IN MY FINGERS

God is in my fingers
When I play guitar
God is in my footsteps
When I must travel far

God is in my lips
When I whistle a tune
God is in my voice
When I sing or croon

God is my protector
When my goal is reached
God is in my heart
When his word is preached

God is my salvation
In every single way
God is in my heart
Every single day

OH GOD IN HEAVEN

Oh God in heaven
I thank you
For your son
For supporting me
Embracing me
Accepting me
For offering me your hand
Your loving hand
We sing oh Lord
To praise you
For you support us
Embrace us
Accept us
You offer us your hand
Your loving hand
We give ourselves oh Lord
Into your love

SING IN PRAISE TO GOD ON HIGH

Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your heart

Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept His
Great gift of love

Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your life

Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept Him
As your saviour

IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS

When the world
Appears a troubled place
When you see pain
Etched into every face
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross

When evil lives
In the hearts of man
When our neighbours
Plot our destruction
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross

When you are burdened
With anxiety and fear
When you are so desperate
For someone to hear
Look for Him
In the shadow of the cross



THE BORN AGAIN GOD

Kneeling before the cross,
A simple sign of faith
A potent symbol of his love
A symbol whose holy shadow
Casts the light of love across the world
I am in the presence of the Lord
I feel His hand on my shoulder
His love in my heart
I find I am at peace
In the presence of the lord
I feel His reassuring presence
The Son of God
The Prince of Peace
Who died upon the cross
Who died on a hill in Calvary
And was born again
I feel the power of His glory
I feel at peace
I feel his Godliness
His Goodliness
He surrounds me with his love
And he comforts me
Making the world a less savage place

SENIOR HUMOUR

SENIOR CONTRCEPTION

Jimmy was in his seventies
And took himself a young wife
He biggest concern was fatherhood
At his time of life

“What birth control would you suggest?
Which would be best for me?”
He asked his doctor, who replied
“I think in your case, nudity”

SENIOR LIFT

I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that I just heard
My favourite song in the elevator

SENIOR DIVAN

I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that having sex in a single bed
Isn’t an option any longer

I MAY NOT ALWAYS TELL YOU

I may not always tell you
But you are everything to me
When I awaken in the morning
You're first in my thoughts
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

The love we feel the deepest
Is the hardest to express
But in your heart you must know
How much I love you
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

Emotions and the feelings
I sometimes tend to hide
But when we're together
I count my blessings
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

You're first in my thoughts
Every moment of every day
I should just say “I love you”
But this is not the way for me
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

UNDER ACHIEVING

UNDER ACHIEVING

Gillian finished her first week at school
And had a very unhappy look on her face
She said to her mum who was showing concern
“I’m just wasting my time at that place”
Mum asked her “why ever do you think that?”
Then Gillian exploded in an angry squawk
“Well mother I can't read and I can't write,
And then they won't even let me talk!'

WRINKLE FREE

I have discovered a great way
To get wrinkle free skin
I just eat as much as I want
And the fat fills them in

TWIN DELIGHT

My friend has got a new girlfriend
And he’s sleeping with her and her twin
I asked how he could tell them apart
He said her brother has stubble on his chin

CATWALK STRUT

She strutted down the catwalk
In an outfit to make the critics talk
It was called simply “Iridescence”
And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance
Her outfit was called the wonder of the age
I think I’d prefer something in beige

AN ACT OF VANDALISM

Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her lips
And a glow upon her cheek

WEDDING VOW

When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me said
I will give you ten acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the land for 10 years now

UNTRUE SUE

I sit at home alone
Waiting by the telephone
Hoping to hear her tender tone

But all the time I knew
It was fruitless to pursue
The fickle heart of Sue

I’ll spend no more nights alone
Waiting for Sue to phone
I’m better off on my own

So let me warn you about sue
Before she gets her hooks in you
Her love is definitely untrue

For as soon as you’re apart
The infidelity will start
For she has a cheating heart

ROMANTIC GESTURE

My wife told me to be more romantic
And to book a table for Valentines Day
When we arrived at the snooker hall
I can tell you there was all hell to pay

PARTIALITY

Have you always been partial to a skinny red head?
But you married a twenty stone brunette instead
Have you always hankered for someone small and petite?
Instead you married a woman with size ten feet
Were you attracted to intelligent women with wit?
But instead you married some uncouth twit
Did you always fancy a girl with figure that swings?
But instead you’re stuck with miss bingo wings
Do you ever think your perfect woman got away?
Well you are not alone because I think it every day

A LITTLE BIT OF LUST

DIRTY DANCING

Joanne the willowy vixen
Willing and welcoming
Dancing on the pole
Writhing and gyrating
Erotically cavorting
Like a gracile courtesan
Suppliantly performing for the clientele
Of dirty old men and drunken letches
Debasing herself for meagre reward
In seedy surroundings
Selling herself to wealthy businessmen
With her nakedness she begs
For more paper currency
She calls herself an exotic dancer
But she’s no better than the geisha
Who satisfies a Mikado’s libido

SPANISH MAIDEN

The Spanish maiden with the come hither look
Resplendent with curves shaped to arouse
A maiden possessing that perfect combination
Of come to bed eyes and a gaping blouse

THE PARAMOUR

I have always been magnanimous by nature
Generous of heart and noble of spirit
Kind, forgiving blah blah blah
In short I have always been a door mat

I don’t get to be the significant other
I am destined to forever be the paramour
The elicit lover, skulking in the dark
Never to come out into the light

Never to be amative, never to show my feelings
Always effacing myself in public
Confined to simple flirtatious episodes in view
And elicit sexual dalliances behind closed doors

Hotel doors mainly, locked against the world
Sometimes another mans bedroom door
With another mans wife or fiancé
I am not proud of what I do, but I do it anyway

THE HUNTER

Pubs and clubs he scours
In the wee small hours
To use his seductive powers
On the maidens he devours
Then in the early hours
The maidens he deflowers
Are left like wilting flowers
He then returns to gothic towers
Where he then showers

BLACK MASS

She slipped off her long leather coat.
Revealing just her underwear
Standing before me dressed all in black
A leather Basque, lace panties
A garter belt and stockings
And six-inch stiletto heels
I was instantly aroused
And wanted her there and then
But instead she knelt before me
At the alter of my lust
And took the sacrament

SPEAK DIRTY TO ME

She wears sexy underwear
And speaks dirty to me
I handle her roughly
Like a rag doll
I bend her to my will
I grope at her breasts
Toy with her nipples
My fingers first probe
Then penetrate her hot wetness
And revel in her response
Then she begs me to enter
And as I do I feel her shudder
Such burning passion
Consumes us both
As we are lost in the baseness of the act
Filthy words spill from her lips
As we exorcized our lust
Then sweet ecstasy
In the moment
Of our passions culmination

A LITTLE BIT OF IRISH

She is my southern Irish bundle of fun
If you want a good time girl she’s the one
She drinks like a fish and dances till dawn
She’ll run around naked on your front lawn
She likes to gamble but doesn’t do drugs
And likes to drink Guinness from mugs
She is the one who paints the town red
There’s never a dull moment it has to be said
Then later you can have a quiet Canoodle
Until you unleash her inner sex poodle
Then she’s a sex crazed Barbie doll
Who doesn’t know when to stop at all
For outside she’s sweet as apple strudel
While inside she’s a spanky sex poodle

COLLAR AND CUFFS

Hey there blondie I really like your hair
But I bet that it’s a different shade down there
I bet you don’t have any white blonde thatch
Your collar and cuffs certainly won’t match
Or maybe a mismatch really isn’t anticipated
Possibly you have already defoliated
I don’t mind you with or without down below
I’m am an easy to please kind of fellow
And if you’re a bottle blonde I don’t care
Or if there is a mismatch with body hair
Any way it comes that’s my simple philosophy
And besides it’s not something I’m likely to see