A GRAVY TRAIN PRODUCTION

In order to keep supping
From the gravy train
The hangers on have boarded
The chav express again

Moving the Goody show
To the stage from satellite
So they can still cash in
And keep her in the spotlight

As if this crazy world
Wasn’t already farcical
Now we have to suffer
Jade the fucking musical

EVEN MORE 21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 23

One, two, three, four, five.Once I caught a fish alive,
But what we couldn’t see
The fish was full of Mercury

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 24

An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away
Isn’t really true
So the best thing to do
Is squirt some mace
Into their face

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 25

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,Up hills, down dales with a bullet in the chamberthere I spied you plump and fat in my crosshairs
Then on the dinner table as we where saying prayers

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 26

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,The cow jumped over the moon.We just couldn’t wait to have more fun
As we heated some more in a spoon

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 27
Itsy Bitsy spider climbing up the spout
Where all the chemical waste comes out
Now Itsy Bitsy spider isn’t quite the same
And can no longer get in the spout again

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 28

Doctor FosterWent to Gloucester
On a railway train
But he got in a muddle
And got off at Bristol
And said “Oh shit not again”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 29

Little Boy Blue
Come blow your horn,And I’ll make you a superstar
In the world of porn

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 30

Hickory dickory dock
Something’s up with the clockThe clock’s struck dumbThe batteries run downUseless bloody clock

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 31

London Bridge is falling down,Falling down, falling down,And the reason that its falling down
Built by Wimpy

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 32

Mondays child is bleary eyed,Tuesdays child is full of pride,Wednesdays child is fighting fit,Thursdays child is full of shit,Fridays child gets out of its brain,Saturdays child goes to the pub again
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is nice and kind in an irritating way

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 33

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffetEating her curds and whey,Along came a geezer,
Who propositioned herAnd horny Miss Muffet said ok

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 34

Old Mother HubbardWent to the cupboard
To get her and doggie some breadWhen she got thereThe cupboard was bareSo she ate the doggie instead.

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 35

Two little dicky birds sitting on a wall,One named Peter, one named Paul.Fly away Peter, away said Paul,Don’t come back, this is my wall!

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 36

Jack Sprat could eat no fatHis wife could eat no lean
And so to please the two of them
They eat vegetarian cuisine

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 37

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives,
Seven wives now that’s really tough
I’ve got one and that’s enough

SPEECH IMPEDIMENT

Each morning, we stood at the bus stop
Not together, but in proximity
Day after day, week after week
I would glance at her in admiration
But I would never speak to her
There would be an occasional nod
And sometimes a smile
I would have liked to ask her out
I had almost done so many times
But my nerve would always go
So often I formed the question in my head
But the words wouldn’t come out
I always steeled myself
For the big moment, but it never happened
Then one day
When she looked particularly alluring
I thought to myself
This time will be different
This time I have rehearsed,
Though only on the cat,
This time I will do it.
So armed with a well constructed sentence
I made my move
I took a deep breath
Turned to face her,
The sentence looping through my head
Over and over
I opened my mouth to speak
But the sentence did not appear
Instead jumbled words tumbled out
From my anxiously dry mouth,
But not in the order I intended
Some words inappropriately joined together
Giving an all together different meaning
That may have caused her to be offended
It had gone better with the cat.
I just stood there
Spouting my nervous stuttering gibberish
I thought she must think me such an idiot
And fully expected her to laugh in my face
But instead she smiled at my nervousness
And reformed the words into a sentence,
The very sentence I had rehearsed,
Spoke it back to me
And then smiling broadly, answered yes

DANCE FOR ME THAT DANCE

Dance for me that dance
The one of ancient rhythm
Dance it to my whim
Like a primordial organism

Dance for me that dance
Laid back like the limbo
Hips grinding and gyrating
With your legs akimbo

Dance for me that dance
Dance it like a beast
Feel the animal rhythm
Feel the sensual beat

Sing for me that song
The one of ancient language
Guttural and savage
Like a beast in a cage

Dance for me that dance
Dance it to my rhythm
And as the music ends
Sing to me your orgasm

FOUR SEASONS

First love gave me springtime
And invigorated my life
It was summer in my heart
When you became my wife
Then in our autumn years
You were taken from my side
Now with my bitter loneliness
It’s in the winter that I reside

FILLE DE PAPILLON

Remember when we were young
Those long halcyon days
Down on your dad’s farm
Joyful hours spent
Idling our time away.
Swinging on that old rustic gate
Roaming the countryside
Happy lazy days,
Nothing particular to do
And a world of time to do it in

They were wonderful days
They were innocent days
Before the end of childhood
Before those weeks
That special summer
So long ago
When you seemed to transform
Into something new
Like a butterfly
Emerging from its cocoon
Spreading its wings in the sun
Displaying fresh beauty

Your transformation
From the cutely naive country girl
Awkward and ungainly
Into a beautiful young woman
An altogether more graceful being
Though I was fond of the grubby faced girl
With untidy hair, wispy and uncombed
I would very soon fall in love
With the butterfly that had replace her

With the emergence of the butterfly girl
With all the beauty
Of the first flower of spring
We trod an unfamiliar path
Leaving our childish games behind
Taking our first tentative steps
Towards love

A love that was a stranger to us
Yet we stepped eagerly in to its turbulent sea
And immersed ourselves in its waters
We soon knew at once
The excitement of first love
When joy was all we could see
And all of our thoughts
Were only for each other
Sweet moments spent
In blissful adoration
Until love was burnt deeply on our souls

Now as we walk the familiar places
As we have so often done
With scenes much visited
We can stand in that spot
Where first I beheld the butterfly
Resplendent in the sunlight
And say to you
With heartfelt sincerity
That I love you still

TIME IS A GREAT HEALER

Time is a great healer
That’s what they said
That’s what they told me
After you were dead
Banal words of wisdom
And benevolent attitudes
Empty words and gestures
And worthless platitudes
Only one thing
Can ever take the pain away
And you’re not coming back
No matter how hard I pray
I just wish with all my heart
We could have gone together
And I would not feel so lonely
And I’d be with you forever