SOCIAL DISTANCING AND SELF ISOLATION

 

Social distancing and self-isolation

Is not a difficult thing to implement

When you’re in Wormwood Scrubs

And placed in solitary confinement

ARE YOU WEARING CUSTODIAL WEAR?

 

Are you wearing custodial wear?

And that must be three days

You must stop thinking about prisons

Your mind works in Strangeways

A NEW PRISONER SAYS TO A FELLOW NEW ARRIVAL

 

A new Prisoner says to a fellow new arrival

“I’m in for 10 years, how long are you in for?”

“15 years” The other man replies “So as you

Get our first you'd can have the bed near the door

I CAN SAY FROM EXPERIENCE

 

I can say from experience

Marriage is in no way like prison

And the reason I say that

Is you get far more sex in prison

THE CORRECT SOLUTION

 

I was caught stealing Tippex

You know, the liquid correction solution

Well, my employer pressed charges

And I was sent to a correctional institution

SOCIAL DISTANCING AND SELF ISOLATION

 

Social distancing and self-isolation

Is not a difficult thing to implement

When you’re in Wormwood Scrubs

And placed in solitary confinement

MY JOB’S WORSE THAN PRISON

When you’re in prison

                  You’re in a cell twenty-three hours a day

But if you’re at work

                  You’re trapped in a cubicle to earn your pay

When you’re in prison

                  For being good you get time off I’m assured

But if you’re at work

                  And you’re good more work is your reward

When you’re in prison

                  You’re given three square meals a day

But if you’re at work

                  Even if you get lunch you have to pay

When you’re in prison

                  The wardens are often mean in the nick

But if you’re at work

                  It’s the managers who are equally sadistic

When you’re in prison

                  You get privacy with a toilet all to yourself

But if you’re at work

                  You have to share with every bugger else

When you’re in prison

                  Guard lock and unlock all the doors for you

But if you’re at work

                  Your never alone as cameras have you in view

When you’re in prison

                  You can watch TV or play games if you care
But if you’re at work

                  You can get the sack for just playing solitaire

When you’re in prison

                  They let your family come and visit regularly
But if you’re at work

                  You can’t even telephone to friends or family