A Little Bit Of Humour # 163

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (9)

Dad said “I’m going to Thailand
To an island called Phuket”
I replied to him "That will be nice,
But you don’t say it like that”

PANAMA HATS

Regarding which country makes
Panama hats, I was seriously misled
It turns out they’re not Panamanian
And are made in Ecuador instead

FIRST GRADE CADDY

His five-year-old nephew wanted
To caddy for him on his Golf round
“You have to count my strokes,
So, your counting has to be sound”
The Uncle explained, then asked
“How much is six, plus nine?”
“Five,” answered the nephew.
The Uncle said, “Ok that’s fine”

BE MY VALENTINE # 2

On Valentine’s Day
The chocolate syrup said to the ice cream
“I'm sweet on you!”
While the pencil said to the paper
“I dot my i's on you!”
And the light bulb asked his girlfriend
Do I mean a whole watt to you?”

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN JEWISH?

Could Jesus have been Jewish?
It is the most likely eventuality
As He Did go into His Father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin
And she was sure He was God, so maybe

PROVERBIAL PROVERBS # 2

The old saying goes that “A volunteer
Is worth Ten pressed men”
Well volunteers are all well and good
But a pressed man are really good
At getting through narrow gaps

MARITAL HONESTY

“It's just too hot to wear clothes today so I
Think I’ll cut the lawn naked, honey?”
She replied “Ok, if you don’t mind the neighbours
Thinking I married you for your money”

ROSES ARE FLOWERS

Roses are flowers
Violets are flowers
You’re allergic to flowers
Ooops my bad

NICKNAMED SNOW PLOUGH

When my brother was a young man
He had a well earned nickname
They called him the “snow plough”
Because of his appetite for cocaine

PEACHES SAID TO BIMBETTE

Peaches said to Bimbette
“I’ve slept with a Brazilian”
“OMG Peachy” she retorted
“How many is a Brazilian?”

MY WIFE IS A BAKER OF BREAD

My wife is a Baker of bread
And rolls both plain and seedy
She is a very difficult woman
And I find her to be very kneady

TEMPLE WALLS ARE STRAIGHT AND TALL

Temple walls are straight and tall
But my body is not like a temple at all
I have curves and am short in stature
I'm more like a disused rollercoaster