I worked for the same
man for more than twenty years and for most of those years it was like working
for a schizophrenic, because of his mood swings.
One day he would be an
irrational gibbering idiot, next day completely rational and on another day, he
was like a zombie, it was like he’d had speed on his cornflakes one morning and
downers in his coffee the next.
His poor diet didn’t
help his condition with his favourite meal being a Big Mac, Large fries and a
Chockie shake.
On his lucid days he
was a sound bite man, he liked what he considered to be well-constructed snappy
phases, which got right to the crux or essence of any situation, the reality of
course was something quite different.
He probably took a lot
of his key words from the self-help book
“How to speak employer
drivel”
The problem was that
although they may well have worked in California, they lost some of their edge
when spoken in a Lancashire accent.
Some words and phrases
though lasted almost as long as I knew him, for example:
“Basically” as used in
“Basically Paul you work for me I don’t work for you”
“Now We’re Cooking
With Gas” this denoted things were going well.
“Kicking Ass And
Taking Names” this was in lieu of a greeting.
“Hey, Take No
Prisoners, Me” this was the prelude to negotiation.
“No Finger Pointing
Guaranteed” I still don’t know what this means.
The most interesting
thing I ever heard him say was
“I wonder what the
collective noun is for a busload of nutter’s” and even to this day I have no
idea what prompted him to say it and as soon as he’d finished speaking he
turned on his heels and returned to his office.
The scary thing is
that he was ever employed in such a position of responsibility and even scarier
still I’m sure that there are a lot more like him out there.
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