I HAVE A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS # 2
I have a memory foam mattress
And I awake feeling brighter
I just wish it would remember me
When I was Three stone lighter
FOGHORN LEGHORN CROSSED THE PLAYGROUND
Foghorn Leghorn crossed the playground
But not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was just to get to the other slide
PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME # 3
Procrastination is the thief of time
And our span of time is so fleet
But because I dithered I don’t know
How to get to Sesame Street
WHY ARE EGGS PACKED IN CONTAINERS
Why are eggs packed in containers
That are the flimsiest I’ve ever seen
But batteries are in plastic packs
You can only open with a laser beam
MIND THE GAP, MIND THE GAP
Mind the gap, mind the gap
Is not an announcement about safety
But is pointing out the difference
Between the timetable and reality
I HAD A FITTING WITH MY TAILOR
I had a fitting with my tailor and
All the measurements were wrong
I should really have known better
After all his name is Wei Tu Long
MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 5
My son jokes about my age
His humour is unforgiving
He says that my first passport
Was probably written in Latin
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 377
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a lama
And that’s because she’s
A short sighted farmer
FAIRY TALE’S RESPUN # 3
Babes in the wood
And their escapades
Is now a porn film,
Wood in the Babes
DISNEY HAVE GOT INTO PORN # 3
Disney have got into porn
It became a financial reality
And of the films to be made
Is Beauty and the Bestiality
PTERODACTYL
None of the dinosaurs ever heard
The pterodactyl spend a penny
And the simple reason for that
Was because of the silent P
MY NEW TENNIS PARTNER
My new tennis partner
Always obstructs my view,
Stood in the middle of the court
But, that’s Annette for you
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