SO IF IT IS CORRECT THAT ONE # 2
So if it is correct that
One may be “that”
And multiples would be those
Yet the singular cat
Would in the plural
Be cats and never cose
FOR MY POOR DELUDED FATHER
For my poor deluded father
The men in white coats beaconed
He thought he was a chocolate orange
So now he’s been sectioned
I CAN’T COUNT TO TEN IN FRENCH
I can’t count to ten in French
It’s impossible for me
I can only count to seven
Because I have a huit allergy
JOLLY
To be politically correct
We must call fat people, jolly
And the really fat people
Have to be called morbidly jolly
I HAVE A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS # 1
I have a memory foam mattress
And I awake fresh at cock crow
I just wish it would remember me
As I was at least twenty years ago
PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME # 1
Procrastination is the thief of time,
There’s no truer saying without a doubt
And as a result of my dithering
I still don’t know “who let the dogs out”
PUT DOWN # 61
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
So if you tire of unwanted attention
Just tell him you’re incompatible
and if he questions your remark
Say it’s because you’re not inflatable
MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 3
My son jokes about my age
His humour is frankly, not
He says my first license
Was for driving a chariot
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 378
Jack be Nimble,
Jack be quick,
But please don’t play
With your candle stick
FAIRY TALE’S RESPUN # 1
Snow White thought
7-Up was just a drink
But meeting the dwarves
Caused her to rethink
DISNEY HAVE GOT INTO PORN # 1
Disney have got into porn
And the first film to be made
Is a remake of a classic
Renamed “The Little Sperm Maid”
ON MY BED AT HOME # 1
On my bed at home I have
A deluxe memory foam mattress
But it remembers I’m over sixty
Which causes me great distress
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