ARE YOU WEARING? # 13

ARE YOU WEARING A RUBBER?

Are you wearing a rubber?
That’s jumping the gun in my opinion
What do you mean you’re not wearing one?
Well I’ll tell you, now bare back is not an option
Oh you’re not wearing one at the moment
So you have some kind of skin condition

ARE YOU WEARING A CROSS?

Are you wearing a cross?
So are you a regular church goer then?
No I really don’t think it counts
Having sex in the cemetery now and again

ARE YOU WEARING STEAK?

Are you wearing steak?
A pork chop? Ok my mistake
Oh your eye is very swollen
What happened to you then?
You went to the shop for steak
But bought chops, ok your mistake

ARE YOU WEARING WINTER UNDERWEAR?

Are you wearing winter underwear?
I’m thinking as you stand there
Are you clad in body formers?
Proper cozy winter warmers
Substantial Bloomers for outdoors
A sturdy pair of winter drawers
I may never know for sure
But with my thoughts impure
I’m content as you stand there
In your cozy winter underwear

ARE YOU WEARING A TOP HAT?

Are you wearing a top hat?
Its height certainly exceeds
You’re trying to look taller?
A philosophy a wise man heeds
Is that a man is only as tall
As the sum of his deeds

ARE YOU WEARING LIP-GLOSS?

Are you wearing lip-gloss?
No you’re not, you cow
You were when you went out
So who’s wearing it now?

ARE YOU WEARING PINCE-NEZ?

Are you wearing pince-nez?
Don’t they pinch a bit?
They look a little uncomfortable
But with your image they fit

That looks an impressive book
A rather weighty tome isn’t it?
It will make you look good
If you die half way through it

ARE YOU WEARING A PINNY?

Are you wearing a pinny?
And why exactly are you wearing it?
You said “A mans home is his castle”
And she said “Then you can clean it”

ARE YOU WEARING A BUSTLE?

Are you wearing a bustle?
Well who am I to condemn
I suppose everyone seems normal
Until you get to know them

ARE YOU WEARING HANDCUFFS?

Are you wearing handcuffs?
What have you been arrested for?
You saw a dress in the shop window
And it was cheaper than before
So you decided to try it on
And that’s what you’ve been arrested for?
Trying on a dress in the shop window?
You tried it on in the window of the store