She had a distinct aura
That pervaded the senses
Femininity, without vanity
Beauty, without conceit
Forthright, but not brash
Confident but not cocky
Refreshingly sincere
Intelligent but not haughty
Wit without cruelty
Laughter without malice
Principled and scrupulous
Morality without piety
Could no one else see it?
Was I in a minority of one?
Surely I am not alone
In my admiration of her
As she looks at me
What does she see?
She looks at me appraisingly
What does she see?
How is she evaluating?
Is there an attraction?
Yes but more than that alone
Then simultaneously
In mutual acquiescence
We reached the conclusion
It was simple recognition
Of the similarly disposed
Of kindred spirits
We are soul mates
Friday, 17 July 2009
NATURE POEMS
SUNSHINE
A day without sunshine?
Now let me get this right
A day without sunshine?
That would be like, night
WEATHER OR NOT # 1
They tell us it’s the climate
That makes our country wet
So Climate is what we expect
But weather is what we get
WATER WAY
From the mountain high
On the summit icy
It begins to trickle
Toward its destiny
Trickle becoming stream
Very quickly
Its method brilliant
In its simplicity
It follows the path
Of least resistance
In its great race
To go the distance
Growing ever stronger
Under gravity
Deeper wider
And ever more rapidly
A great river now
Heading for its destiny
And it’s fulfilled
When reaching the sea
WEATHER OR NOT # 2
The weather types keep on issuing they’re warning
And they keep bleating on about global warming
They even know the temperature to within a degree
In the summer of two thousand and ninety three
We can expect out summers to be long and very hot
And our winters will be mild and damp like as not
Why should we believe that a heatwave will ignite?
When they can’t even get the two-day forecast right
NATURE’S WAY
Time is merely natures way
Of assurance
And stops everything happening
At once
BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
What is the lesser of these evils?
Ugly wind farms scarring our hills
Wave power trapping human mess
Or the three eyed fish of Dungeness
EARTHLINGS
The origins of the name
"Earth worms" is hard to trace
Unless of coarse some people
Thought they were from outer space
MY FAVOURITE TIME
It’s my favourite time
A special time
A magical time
A time for romancing lovers
For shared enjoyment
Or solitary reflection
A time to drink in the vistas
Along with the cocktails
Awe inspiring displays
Whether over the open sea
Or beyond high distant mountains
Over prairie or savannah
Or painting barren desert
Or colouring the icy tundra
Illuminating a city landscape
Whether it’s across the river
Or behind the gas works
It’s a magical time
A special time
It’s my favourite time
When the sun sets
NIGHT OWL
The graceful owl
Hunts at twilight
And listens to hear
A victim in the night
Then swoops down
In silent flight
Not to prevent
Its prey taking fright
But fear of losing
What is out of sight
BARK
Their whole life
Is etched into the bark
The trunks wear their story
To be read with the eye
Or touched like brail
Cracked and weathered
Like the face of an old mariner
Showing what was
And what is still
It protects like a pachyderm’s hide
Its the first line of defence
Against any aggressor
Then when the tree falls
It’s the last to die
THE GOLDEN ORB
The golden orb
Burning orange
Set slowly
Beyond the distant hills
As it slid slowly down
It painted the hills
In rainbow hues
Back lighting the tree line
Highlighting them boldly black
Showing them in stark relief
Against the crimson sky
As it was finally swallowed
By the western horizon
The sky was tinged with pink
Before darkness was everywhere
GOOSED
The snow geese
In a massive flock
Take flight in unison
Filling the whole sky
Like clouds of white smoke
Billowing up from unseen fires
Rippling across the sky
As far as the eye can see
Almost blocking out the sun
So begins the migration
PASSING BY
Way up high
In the sky
Clouds pass by
I wonder why
On a bright day
Some might say
I see the milky way
Indeed they may
Way up then
Near to heaven
I shall know when
Clouds pass again
SUMMER COLOUR
I love the colors of summer
From Vivid pinks loud and shocking
To more paler and subtle
And all those in between
Whites of abundant variety
Blues of every conceivable hue
Deep velvet purples and vibrant violets
Greens contrasting from dark olive
Through luscious emeralds to pale pastels
Soft lemon and pale sensual yellow
Loud in your face reds crimson and scarlet
Across the spectrum every shade
How I love the girls in summer
A day without sunshine?
Now let me get this right
A day without sunshine?
That would be like, night
WEATHER OR NOT # 1
They tell us it’s the climate
That makes our country wet
So Climate is what we expect
But weather is what we get
WATER WAY
From the mountain high
On the summit icy
It begins to trickle
Toward its destiny
Trickle becoming stream
Very quickly
Its method brilliant
In its simplicity
It follows the path
Of least resistance
In its great race
To go the distance
Growing ever stronger
Under gravity
Deeper wider
And ever more rapidly
A great river now
Heading for its destiny
And it’s fulfilled
When reaching the sea
WEATHER OR NOT # 2
The weather types keep on issuing they’re warning
And they keep bleating on about global warming
They even know the temperature to within a degree
In the summer of two thousand and ninety three
We can expect out summers to be long and very hot
And our winters will be mild and damp like as not
Why should we believe that a heatwave will ignite?
When they can’t even get the two-day forecast right
NATURE’S WAY
Time is merely natures way
Of assurance
And stops everything happening
At once
BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
What is the lesser of these evils?
Ugly wind farms scarring our hills
Wave power trapping human mess
Or the three eyed fish of Dungeness
EARTHLINGS
The origins of the name
"Earth worms" is hard to trace
Unless of coarse some people
Thought they were from outer space
MY FAVOURITE TIME
It’s my favourite time
A special time
A magical time
A time for romancing lovers
For shared enjoyment
Or solitary reflection
A time to drink in the vistas
Along with the cocktails
Awe inspiring displays
Whether over the open sea
Or beyond high distant mountains
Over prairie or savannah
Or painting barren desert
Or colouring the icy tundra
Illuminating a city landscape
Whether it’s across the river
Or behind the gas works
It’s a magical time
A special time
It’s my favourite time
When the sun sets
NIGHT OWL
The graceful owl
Hunts at twilight
And listens to hear
A victim in the night
Then swoops down
In silent flight
Not to prevent
Its prey taking fright
But fear of losing
What is out of sight
BARK
Their whole life
Is etched into the bark
The trunks wear their story
To be read with the eye
Or touched like brail
Cracked and weathered
Like the face of an old mariner
Showing what was
And what is still
It protects like a pachyderm’s hide
Its the first line of defence
Against any aggressor
Then when the tree falls
It’s the last to die
THE GOLDEN ORB
The golden orb
Burning orange
Set slowly
Beyond the distant hills
As it slid slowly down
It painted the hills
In rainbow hues
Back lighting the tree line
Highlighting them boldly black
Showing them in stark relief
Against the crimson sky
As it was finally swallowed
By the western horizon
The sky was tinged with pink
Before darkness was everywhere
GOOSED
The snow geese
In a massive flock
Take flight in unison
Filling the whole sky
Like clouds of white smoke
Billowing up from unseen fires
Rippling across the sky
As far as the eye can see
Almost blocking out the sun
So begins the migration
PASSING BY
Way up high
In the sky
Clouds pass by
I wonder why
On a bright day
Some might say
I see the milky way
Indeed they may
Way up then
Near to heaven
I shall know when
Clouds pass again
SUMMER COLOUR
I love the colors of summer
From Vivid pinks loud and shocking
To more paler and subtle
And all those in between
Whites of abundant variety
Blues of every conceivable hue
Deep velvet purples and vibrant violets
Greens contrasting from dark olive
Through luscious emeralds to pale pastels
Soft lemon and pale sensual yellow
Loud in your face reds crimson and scarlet
Across the spectrum every shade
How I love the girls in summer
ANIMAL MAGIC
SOMEONE PUT THE CAT OUT
Will someone put the cat out?
Please don’t make me shout
To put the cat out is my one desire
So put it out because it’s on fire
IT’S THE DOGS….
A man and his dog walk into the pub
Each night to drink with the locals
As the man has a drink, the mans dog
Lies down and exposes his genitals
And oblivious to his audience the dog
Then lies on his back and licks them
Another man looks on in admiration
Saying “Is no one as impressed as I am?”
He then turns to the owner saying
“Now that’s a thing I wish I could do”
The dogs owner looks at him smiling
“Well give him a crisp and he’ll let you”
IT’S THE DOGS…. AGAIN
A man and his dog walk into the pub
Each night to drink with the locals
As the man has a drink, the mans dog
Lies down and then licks his genitals
An offended customer, disgusted asks
“Why does your dog do that man?”
Then owner answers without hesitation
“That’s easy he does it because he can”
THE GIANT ATTRACTION
In captivity panda’s suffer
Great indignity
They’re sexual failures
On display for all to see
WHERE EAGLE’S DARE
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It wasn’t a very long journey
Before he reached a leafy tree
Where he met a Tit called Tina
And there the Eagle had her
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the Eagle had had his fun
Tina said, “I am a little Tit
And I’ve had a little bit
And I liked it”
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It wasn’t a very long journey
Before he reached a leafy tree
And he met a Dove called Daisy
Where the Eagle had her easily
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the Eagle had had his fun
Daisy Said, “I am a little dove
And I’ve had a little love
And I liked it”
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It’s journey wasn’t very harsh
And soon he reached a marsh
Where the met a Duck called Jo
And the Eagle had her just so
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the eagle had had his fun
Jo said, “I am a little Drake
And he made a big mistake
But I liked it”
FRUSTRATED FELINE
When your cat has just fallen asleep
Curled on your lap purring contentedly
And looking utterly adorable and sweet
You have to go to the bathroom suddenly
BEAR NECESSITIES
When in the North America forests
On holiday
Carry with you a whistle
And a can of pepper spray
Because you might meet a bear
A small bear eats mainly fruit
And the occasional squirrel
And can be easily scared away
With a sharp blast on your whistle
That’s how to deal with a small bear
A large bear won’t be frightened away
By a blast of your whistle
But a squirt of your pepper spray
Will do the trick not a lot just a little
That’s how to deal with a large bear
You can check if bears are in the area
By examining there droppings
If it smells of fruit
And contains squirrel fur
Then it was deposited by a small bear
However if the more dangerous large bear
Left its deposit along the way
It will probably contain a whistle
And it will smell of pepper spray
Will someone put the cat out?
Please don’t make me shout
To put the cat out is my one desire
So put it out because it’s on fire
IT’S THE DOGS….
A man and his dog walk into the pub
Each night to drink with the locals
As the man has a drink, the mans dog
Lies down and exposes his genitals
And oblivious to his audience the dog
Then lies on his back and licks them
Another man looks on in admiration
Saying “Is no one as impressed as I am?”
He then turns to the owner saying
“Now that’s a thing I wish I could do”
The dogs owner looks at him smiling
“Well give him a crisp and he’ll let you”
IT’S THE DOGS…. AGAIN
A man and his dog walk into the pub
Each night to drink with the locals
As the man has a drink, the mans dog
Lies down and then licks his genitals
An offended customer, disgusted asks
“Why does your dog do that man?”
Then owner answers without hesitation
“That’s easy he does it because he can”
THE GIANT ATTRACTION
In captivity panda’s suffer
Great indignity
They’re sexual failures
On display for all to see
WHERE EAGLE’S DARE
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It wasn’t a very long journey
Before he reached a leafy tree
Where he met a Tit called Tina
And there the Eagle had her
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the Eagle had had his fun
Tina said, “I am a little Tit
And I’ve had a little bit
And I liked it”
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It wasn’t a very long journey
Before he reached a leafy tree
And he met a Dove called Daisy
Where the Eagle had her easily
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the Eagle had had his fun
Daisy Said, “I am a little dove
And I’ve had a little love
And I liked it”
Over mountains up on high
A lonely Eagle had to fly
For years he had been alone
In the mountains on his own
Mostly he was a happy lad
But sometimes he got sad
So decided to fly down below
For some “company” you know
It’s journey wasn’t very harsh
And soon he reached a marsh
Where the met a Duck called Jo
And the Eagle had her just so
Then after he had had his way
He bad farewell and flew away
So after the deed was done
And the eagle had had his fun
Jo said, “I am a little Drake
And he made a big mistake
But I liked it”
FRUSTRATED FELINE
When your cat has just fallen asleep
Curled on your lap purring contentedly
And looking utterly adorable and sweet
You have to go to the bathroom suddenly
BEAR NECESSITIES
When in the North America forests
On holiday
Carry with you a whistle
And a can of pepper spray
Because you might meet a bear
A small bear eats mainly fruit
And the occasional squirrel
And can be easily scared away
With a sharp blast on your whistle
That’s how to deal with a small bear
A large bear won’t be frightened away
By a blast of your whistle
But a squirt of your pepper spray
Will do the trick not a lot just a little
That’s how to deal with a large bear
You can check if bears are in the area
By examining there droppings
If it smells of fruit
And contains squirrel fur
Then it was deposited by a small bear
However if the more dangerous large bear
Left its deposit along the way
It will probably contain a whistle
And it will smell of pepper spray
JIMBO
I got a new dog from Battersea
And I have called him Jimbo
I now take him to obedience classes
Where they walk us too and fro
But when he should be at heel
Jimbo almost always runs away
And then he comes bounding back
When he is supposed to sit and stay
Then when he’s walking on the lead
I have to pull young Jimbo back
Or he’s round and round my feet
Until I end up lying on my back
We’ve stopped going to the classes
And I have a stick for him to chase
I can forgive my Jimbo anything
When he jumps up to lick my face
And I have called him Jimbo
I now take him to obedience classes
Where they walk us too and fro
But when he should be at heel
Jimbo almost always runs away
And then he comes bounding back
When he is supposed to sit and stay
Then when he’s walking on the lead
I have to pull young Jimbo back
Or he’s round and round my feet
Until I end up lying on my back
We’ve stopped going to the classes
And I have a stick for him to chase
I can forgive my Jimbo anything
When he jumps up to lick my face
DARWINS DESIGN
There is, today, a fierce debate
Well in America at any rate
Darwinism is again causing friction
Some claim his work to be a fiction
And his “Origin of the Species”
Is likened to a pile of fetid faeces
Fossil evidence has caused the strife
Showing Random explosions of life
Evolution was not a gradual change
Thoughts we now must rearrange
Its not at all as Charles Darwin said
But Intelligent Design instead
Well in America at any rate
Darwinism is again causing friction
Some claim his work to be a fiction
And his “Origin of the Species”
Is likened to a pile of fetid faeces
Fossil evidence has caused the strife
Showing Random explosions of life
Evolution was not a gradual change
Thoughts we now must rearrange
Its not at all as Charles Darwin said
But Intelligent Design instead
FACETS OF FAITH
KING OF LOVE
The king of kings lord in heaven above
Holds the power in His kingdom of love
Not love of power but the power of love
HE IS
He is the earth
The wind and the fire
He is the sun
That rises in the east
And sets in the west
He is the tree in bud
And the mare in foal
He is the rain that gently falls
He is the birdsong
And the cockcrow
He is the staff of life
He is the Son of God
The prince of peace
THERE
You are there
When I face adversity
And in times of conflict
When I encounter trajedy or loss
You are there
When I experience joy
And at times of happiness
When I feel pride and count my blessings
You were there
When my children entered the world
And at their baptisms
When they married and when loved ones passed
You are always there
Dear lord
PRAYER
I pray to my god
When my heart is full
And when it is empty
When I just need to speak
And when I need an answer
When I have joy to share
And when at my lowest
I pray to my god
Who always listens?
AN UNDERSTANDING GOD
God didn’t say
You must circumcise your children
God didn’t say
You can have ten wives
God didn’t say
You mustn’t use a condom
God didn’t say
You must pray five times a day
God didn’t say
My priests cant marry
God didn’t say
Woman must be covered at all times
God didn’t say
You cannot divorce
God didn’t say
Divorcees cannot remarry in church
God didn’t say
You must remove your shoes in my house
God didn’t say
You must kill the infidel
God didn’t say
There is only one church
God didn’t say
You must ritually wash your feet
Man said these things
These rules were made by men
A GOOD CHRISTIAN
Dorothy spinster of this parish
With her sister taught Sunday school
For over fifty years
Both good Methodists and good Christians
Their lives dedicated to the church
To ensure the future of their church
Dorothy left a large bequest to the church
The church sought to honor a good woman
And dedicated in her name
A room within the church
For ever to be named after her
GOD AND SCIENCE
I believe in God
I believe him to be the creator
The creator of heaven and earth
Of the stars and the planets
I believe him to be the creator of the universe
The scientific community
Talk of the big bang
Which sparked off the creation of the universe
They call God a myth
And his creation a myth
Science of course call it the big bang theory
Theory being science speak for a guess
Or put another way a belief
They can no more prove their belief
Than I can prove the existence of God
For all there contempt for belief systems
They are locked in one of their own making
I have faith in the creation
But if there was a big bang
Then God pressed the button
The king of kings lord in heaven above
Holds the power in His kingdom of love
Not love of power but the power of love
HE IS
He is the earth
The wind and the fire
He is the sun
That rises in the east
And sets in the west
He is the tree in bud
And the mare in foal
He is the rain that gently falls
He is the birdsong
And the cockcrow
He is the staff of life
He is the Son of God
The prince of peace
THERE
You are there
When I face adversity
And in times of conflict
When I encounter trajedy or loss
You are there
When I experience joy
And at times of happiness
When I feel pride and count my blessings
You were there
When my children entered the world
And at their baptisms
When they married and when loved ones passed
You are always there
Dear lord
PRAYER
I pray to my god
When my heart is full
And when it is empty
When I just need to speak
And when I need an answer
When I have joy to share
And when at my lowest
I pray to my god
Who always listens?
AN UNDERSTANDING GOD
God didn’t say
You must circumcise your children
God didn’t say
You can have ten wives
God didn’t say
You mustn’t use a condom
God didn’t say
You must pray five times a day
God didn’t say
My priests cant marry
God didn’t say
Woman must be covered at all times
God didn’t say
You cannot divorce
God didn’t say
Divorcees cannot remarry in church
God didn’t say
You must remove your shoes in my house
God didn’t say
You must kill the infidel
God didn’t say
There is only one church
God didn’t say
You must ritually wash your feet
Man said these things
These rules were made by men
A GOOD CHRISTIAN
Dorothy spinster of this parish
With her sister taught Sunday school
For over fifty years
Both good Methodists and good Christians
Their lives dedicated to the church
To ensure the future of their church
Dorothy left a large bequest to the church
The church sought to honor a good woman
And dedicated in her name
A room within the church
For ever to be named after her
GOD AND SCIENCE
I believe in God
I believe him to be the creator
The creator of heaven and earth
Of the stars and the planets
I believe him to be the creator of the universe
The scientific community
Talk of the big bang
Which sparked off the creation of the universe
They call God a myth
And his creation a myth
Science of course call it the big bang theory
Theory being science speak for a guess
Or put another way a belief
They can no more prove their belief
Than I can prove the existence of God
For all there contempt for belief systems
They are locked in one of their own making
I have faith in the creation
But if there was a big bang
Then God pressed the button
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF FAITH
WISE CONFUCIUS
Wise Confucius spoke about his creed
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow
Do not walk near me or step in my zone
So just bugger off and leave me alone
THE ASTI
I think I am no ordinary man
Which begins my monologue
I am Dyslexic and an Atheist
But to complete my catalogue
Now I am an Insomniac as well
And I no longer sleep like a log
Instead I now lie awake at night
Wondering if there really is a Dog
OH GOD A WOMAN
I think God must be a Woman
I feel that this I must confide
For a Man would never have put
The male genitals on the outside
SAVED
The Salvation Army tries to perform
The thankless task of social reform
Treading the weary path to glory
Saving poor girls from Iniquity
If they are saving fallen women
I’ve just one thing to say then
When saving girls from Iniquity
Save the red headed one for me
WHY AM I HERE?
If it's true as the Church tells us so
That we are here to help others galore
Then perhaps the Church could tell me
What exactly the others are here for?
THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS
My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed
ETERNITY
An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your fucked son
THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS
A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said
UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS
The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything
OUR SARAH
A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."
FATHER, SON &
A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One little child answered proudly "Mary"
The teacher said, “well done very clever”
The teacher then asked another question
"What was the name of Jesus' father?"
A boy called Terry answered "it’s Verge"
the teacher was Confused at the answer
She said, “that’s not the right answer”
Where did you get verge from Terry?"
The boy said, "Well you know everyone
Is always talking about Verge n' Mary
DEAR LORD
As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen
CHILDISH PRAYER
When I was a boy I prayed to god
For a new bike for me
Than I realized that god
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me
Wise Confucius spoke about his creed
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow
Do not walk near me or step in my zone
So just bugger off and leave me alone
THE ASTI
I think I am no ordinary man
Which begins my monologue
I am Dyslexic and an Atheist
But to complete my catalogue
Now I am an Insomniac as well
And I no longer sleep like a log
Instead I now lie awake at night
Wondering if there really is a Dog
OH GOD A WOMAN
I think God must be a Woman
I feel that this I must confide
For a Man would never have put
The male genitals on the outside
SAVED
The Salvation Army tries to perform
The thankless task of social reform
Treading the weary path to glory
Saving poor girls from Iniquity
If they are saving fallen women
I’ve just one thing to say then
When saving girls from Iniquity
Save the red headed one for me
WHY AM I HERE?
If it's true as the Church tells us so
That we are here to help others galore
Then perhaps the Church could tell me
What exactly the others are here for?
THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS
My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed
ETERNITY
An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your fucked son
THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS
A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said
UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS
The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything
OUR SARAH
A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."
FATHER, SON &
A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One little child answered proudly "Mary"
The teacher said, “well done very clever”
The teacher then asked another question
"What was the name of Jesus' father?"
A boy called Terry answered "it’s Verge"
the teacher was Confused at the answer
She said, “that’s not the right answer”
Where did you get verge from Terry?"
The boy said, "Well you know everyone
Is always talking about Verge n' Mary
DEAR LORD
As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen
CHILDISH PRAYER
When I was a boy I prayed to god
For a new bike for me
Than I realized that god
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me
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