THE LIGHTER SIDE OF FAITH

WISE CONFUCIUS

Wise Confucius spoke about his creed
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow
Do not walk near me or step in my zone
So just bugger off and leave me alone

THE ASTI

I think I am no ordinary man
Which begins my monologue
I am Dyslexic and an Atheist
But to complete my catalogue
Now I am an Insomniac as well
And I no longer sleep like a log
Instead I now lie awake at night
Wondering if there really is a Dog

OH GOD A WOMAN

I think God must be a Woman
I feel that this I must confide
For a Man would never have put
The male genitals on the outside

SAVED

The Salvation Army tries to perform
The thankless task of social reform
Treading the weary path to glory
Saving poor girls from Iniquity

If they are saving fallen women
I’ve just one thing to say then
When saving girls from Iniquity
Save the red headed one for me

WHY AM I HERE?

If it's true as the Church tells us so
That we are here to help others galore
Then perhaps the Church could tell me
What exactly the others are here for?

THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS

My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed

ETERNITY

An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your fucked son

THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS

A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said

UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS

The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing

I DON’T BELIEVE IT

The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything

OUR SARAH

A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."

FATHER, SON &

A Sunday school teacher asked her class,
"What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One little child answered proudly "Mary"
The teacher said, “well done very clever”
The teacher then asked another question
"What was the name of Jesus' father?"
A boy called Terry answered "it’s Verge"
the teacher was Confused at the answer
She said, “that’s not the right answer”
Where did you get verge from Terry?"
The boy said, "Well you know everyone
Is always talking about Verge n' Mary

DEAR LORD

As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen

CHILDISH PRAYER

When I was a boy I prayed to god
For a new bike for me
Than I realized that god
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me