I JUST WALKED INTO THE BEDROOM

I just walked into the bedroom,

Which was littered with crap

And tripped over my wife’s bra

I was floored by her booby trap

I’VE OPENED A NEW GYM

 

I’ve opened a new gym

Where all the trainers go

Religiously from door to door

To spread the fitness word

About joining the gym with

Jehovah’s Fitness over the door

PEOPLE ARE USUALLY SHOCKED

 

People are usually shocked

Is my full admission

When they find out

I am not a good electrician

MY WIFE TOLD ME OVER BREAKFAST

 

My wife told me over breakfast

That sex was better on holiday

It took me completely by surprise

As the postcard only arrived that day

I LOST MY WATCH AT A PARTY ONCE

 

I lost my watch at a party once

And someone stepped on it

While being aggressive to his wife

And calling her a bitch

I hit him as no one behaves like that

To a woman, not on my watch

TO THE MAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR

 

To the man in the wheelchair

Yes I know that you’re the one

Who stole my camo jacket, well

You can hide but you can’t run

MY WIFE MISTAKENLY THOUGHT I SAID

My wife mistakenly thought I said

“I’m giving up drinking for a month”

What I meant was “I’m giving up,

And I’m drinking for a month”