A MAN ENTERED A BEST PUN CONTEST

 A man entered a best pun contest

And he chose ten puns to submit,

Hoping at least one pun would win

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

6 SPRITES

 

I went to the shop

To buy 6 Sprites to sup

But when I got home

I realised I’d picked 7 up

TWO FISH WERE IN A TANK

 

Two fish were in a tank

And one said after pondering

“This is a really nice tank

But how do we drive the thing?”

ARE YOU WEARING A PLEASANT LOOK?

Are you wearing a pleasant look?

It’s effecting me quite unnervingly

Clearly the fact that you’re smiling

Should on its own be scaring me

GETTING ON # 4

 

You have reached old age

And you sit around and wonder  

Why you rang your friend

To ask him for his new number

ANONYMOUS ANGEL HIDDEN FROM VIEW

 

I saw you this morning

As I walked to work

You were a little in front of me,

For part of the way,

And you fell beneath my gaze.

I noticed your feet first,

Clad in sporting wear

Your shoes were sexless,

Indeterminate in gender

The only distinguishing feature

Was that they were small, But that was all.

Your black trousers were baggy

And gave nothing away

As was your sweatshirt

Which was large, long and grey,

Reaching down to cover your bum

Your brown hair was medium length

Of no particular style

So could have been masculine or feminine.

Had the necessity not arisen

For you to reach into your back pocket

I would not have noticed

The shape of your buttocks

The movement of which,

As you walked, gave you away

You were most definitely a girl

As I got closer the wind moved your hair

And through the fine brunette strands

I glimpsed in the delicate lobe

A simple feminine stud in your ear.

You continued walking head down

Watching your sexless feet

Afraid to look the world in the eye

Or afraid the world would notice you?

Either one might be true

I was level with you as we reached the kerb

And you looked up in my direction

To check if the road was clear

And I glimpsed your face,

A pretty face, a lovely face,

Briefly our eyes met

Beautiful soft blue eyes

But I could not hold your gaze

And you looked back at your feet

Withdrawing again into your shell

But I know you’re in there now

So tomorrow morning

I will look for you again

NOT VIRGINIA PLAIN

 

Her hair was red

Of russet tones

Like autumn leaves

Its cascading flow

Framed her face

And beauty shone forth

Its skins purity,

Rich as parchment,

Soft as silk,

Radiated her beauty

Her hypnotic eyes

Were startlingly blue,

With gem stone clarity

And held laughter in them

Her nose was small, delicate

Her lips were thin

But a smile of sweet remembrance

Constantly played about them