SHE WANTED HIM TO TURN THE LIGHT OUT

 

She wanted him to turn the light out

While he made love to her

But he refused to do it because

He was the lighthouse keeper

ARE YOU WEARING A STRAIGHTJACKET?

 

Are you wearing a straightjacket?

With wrap around sleeves and metal bands

Are you some kind of homicidal maniac?

Or do you suffer from wondering hands

EVERY MORNING LIKE CLOCKWORK

 

Every morning like clockwork

I have a healthy bowel movement

At 6 o’clock without exception, but

I don’t wake until well after the event

GETTING ON # 1

 

You know you are getting old

When you can’t work out how

The cereal got into the fridge

And you can’t find the milk now

THERE ARE THREE THINGS THAT HAPPEN

 There are three things that happen, when

You reach my age, in my view

The first thing, your memory starts to go

And I’ve forgotten the other two

WHEN YOU SEARCH HIGH AND LOW

 

When you search high and low

On every shelf and every floor 

For your car keys on a bunch

Only to find them in the front door

IF YOU GO TO A MUSLIM WEDDING

 

If you go to a Muslim Wedding

But you can’t afford the attire

Then there is a an easy solution

Go to Mosque Bros and hire