I SPOKE TO DIANA ROSS

 

I spoke to Diana Ross

Several times on the mobile

But I didn’t want her

Dyno-Rod was what I dialled

IF YOU NEVER WENT TO CHURCH

If you never went to church

But watched songs of praise

That might not be good enough

When under St Peters gaze 

OUR LOCAL CHURCH IS RAISING MONEY

 

Our local church is raising money

For restoration to the steeple

Donors make an online payment

Using the secure system, Papal

IN THE EIGHTIES I USED TO SUPPLY

 

In the eighties I used to supply

Filofaxes to the mafia at the time

I suppose you could say I was

Involved in very organised crime

ARE YOU WEARING A POINTY HAT?

 

Are you wearing a pointy hat?

And you don’t get fed up with that

When they ask about your wizard hat

“Does your head reach the top of that?”

ARE THESE KNICKERS SATIN?

 

A woman asked “Are these knickers satin?”

To an assistant who was chattin

She replied loudly for the whole shop to view

“No of course not, they’re new”

THE SENIOR CITIZENS GROUP

 

The Senior Citizens group

Were one of the very top

Break dancing troupes

And they were called Hip Op