I ALWAYS LIKE TO HOLD HANDS

 

I always like to hold hands

When I go to the pictures

Which for some reason

Seems to surprise strangers

MY AUNT WAS THIRTY WHEN SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY

 

My Aunt was thirty when she lost her virginity

She had left it so late as the act was so dreaded

But was relieved when it had finally happened,

And wasn’t so much deflowered as deadheaded

I WAS INVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING

 

I was invited to my friend’s wedding

Well, he used to be my friend at any rate

The wedding invite said, me +1

So, I naturally turned up an hour late

ARE YOU WEARING AN ORCHID?

 

Are you wearing an orchid?

What a beautiful creation

Almost as beautiful as you

I would say without hesitation

INSIDE EVERY RUSSIAN DOLL

 

Inside every Russian Doll

There’s another Russian Doll

And yet more without doubt

All of them screaming to get out

IN OUR AMATEUR DRAMATICS GROUP

 

In our Amateur Dramatics group

I was performing in a pantomime

Which was actually rather crappy

And I argued with one of the dwarfs

I’m don’t know which one he was

But I know for sure he wasn’t happy

MY FATHER WAS A MAGICIAN

 

My father was a magician

Well, not really a magician

But he did disappeared a lot

To avoid the law like as not