SO IF IT IS CORRECT THAT ONE # 1

 

So if it is correct that

One may be “that”

And multiples would be those

Yet the singular hat

Would in the plural

Be hats and never hose

IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IS # 2

 

It is a sad fact of life that is

Inherently unfair

If there are four ways

In which a thing can go wrong

A fifth way will occur

PUT DOWN # 60

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”

Ignore him unless he persists then say

“How many times do I have to flush

Before you go away?”

SUICIDE IS PAINLESS, ACCORDING TO THE SONG

Suicide is painless, according to the song

I think it’s supposed to be a witticism

But I have always thought of suicide

As the most sincere form of self-criticism

MY BROTHER AND I ARE CHALK AND CHEESE

 

My brother and I are chalk and cheese

As hard as I try we just don’t fit

i.e. when he’s drunk and sees a street sign

He has an urge to relieve himself on it

WHEN A NINETY TWO YEAR OLD MAN

 

When a ninety two year old man

Married his eighteen year old bride

She had a blush on her cheeks

 

And after the wedding breakfast

She was presented with the presents

And he was given two weeks

THE INVENTOR OF DENTAL FLOSS

 

The inventor of dental floss

Was honoured and hailed

When a piece of commemorative

Plaque was unveiled