WHY DID THE BIGAMIST CROSS THE ROAD?

 

Why did the bigamist cross the road?

Well not just to get to the other side

The reason he wanted to cross over

Was so he could get to the other bride

ARE YOU WEARING A POLICEMAN’S HAT?

 

Are you wearing a policeman’s hat?

And you don’t get fed up with that

When they ask about your bobby’s hat

“Does your head reach the top of that?”

BONSAI GRANDAD

 

My grandfather became such

A successful bonsai grower

He had to move to a house

Where the garden was smaller

THE MELONS ARE HAVING A BIG WEDDING

 

The Melons are having a big wedding

“Hello magazine” have the scoop

However, they don’t really want

A big affair but they cantaloupe

THE SIMPLE RED ROSE WAS ONCE

 

The simple red rose was once

The emblem of the English

But alas it has been replaced.

In England by the satellite dish

GARDENING RULE

 

If you can’t tell the difference

Between a plant and weed

Then learn by pulling one up

That’s the best way to proceed

And if it comes out quite easily

Then the other one is the weed

SHEER EXTRAVAGANCE

 

A husband pays five hundred pounds

To get his wife a sheer negligée

So, she thought she should pose for him

As it was a lot of money to pay

But decided to pretend to wear the item

And then next day get a refund on it

He looked on wide eyed and said

“For the price they could have ironed it”