72 Miles From The Sea

Thursday, 5 January 2023

Before the wall came down, the

East was all about the Warsaw Pact

But since it was demolished, now

The East is empty and that’s a fact

I know that petty crime is rife

But how did it come to this

Someone stole my urine sample

And that’s taking the piss

Vagazzling is a really bizarre

Thing to do to your bits, ok

Because the only men that

Find it attractive will be gay

I’ve never been a fan of complementary medicine

But when all else failed I decided to try it

I was given helium as part of my treatment

And I can’t speak highly enough about it

After being caught using an

Abhorrent substance in plain view

The shamed sportsman has promised

Never again to touch tofu

After being caught, with no excuse

For abhorrent substance abuse

The shamed sportsman has sworn

Never again to touch Quorn

I was camping out at the weekend

In the evergreen forests of Caledonia

But I was confused when I discovered

The pine trees smelt of air freshener