HIS FEATURES WERE AT ODDS

 

His features were at odds

Individually each was a quirk

His face didn’t seem to understand

The value of teamwork

NEGLECTED WIFE

 

She was a good wife but was neglected

She had no marital attention paid

Her husband was always in the pub

Blowing the froth off another barmaid

ALTHOUGH I’M CLEARLY NOT A GIRL

Although I’m clearly not a girl I do

Understand the concept of a trainer bra

But if there are similar aims with trainer socks

Then I don’t know what they are 

MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR IS FAT AND BALD

 

My next-door neighbour is fat and bald

And just sits around all day

He’s looks like the Buddha, but without

The enlightenment I’d say

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 331

 

Needles and pins

Needles and pins

When a man marries

His life begins.

Buttons and bows

Buttons and bows

When she marries

Her workload grows

I HATE JANUARY

 

I hate January

January, I do not enjoy

It has no pleasure

It has no joy

 

Christmas is over

All the money has gone

5 weeks till payday

January is wrong

 

I love December

December has it all

December is the time

To have a ball

 

In fact December

Has to much fun

And not enough time

To get it all done

 

The Festivities

Leave us in a daze

There is too much

For 31 days

 

So, the solution

Is a simple one

I can’t believe

It hasn’t been done

 

Get rid of January

No one likes it

Have two Decembers

Then everything will fit

MILF IS AN ACRONYM

 

MILF is an acronym for

“Mum I’d like to fuck”

But I’d end up with a Mother

Superior knowing my luck