SANTA’S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER MARY

 

Santa’s youngest daughter Mary

Was promiscuous and out of control

So, he sent her to a girl’s boarding school

To keep her off the North Pole

THE DAUGHTER OF ONE OF SANTA’S ELVES

The daughter of one of Santa’s Elves

Was out of control and a bit of a prancer

So, he sent her to college in Lapland

To stop her from being a pole dancer

But she soon dropped out of college

And now she’s a popular lap dancer 

THERE IS A POPULAR MYTH ABOUT RUDOLPH

 

There is a popular myth about Rudolph

And his quite legendary shiny nose

But believe me if you ever saw him

You would know that’s not what glows

HE CAME HOME ON CHRISTMAS EVE

He came home on Christmas Eve

On his long-awaited Christmas leave

The soldier returned from the war

To find his beloved waiting at the door

It took seconds for passions to ignite

Which made it a Not-so-Silent Night

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 298

 

Taffy was a Welshman,

Taffy was a thief;

Taffy came to my house

And stole a piece of beef.

I should mention in the interest

Of political correctness

That not all Welshmen

Are called taffy

And not all Welshmen

Are thieves or indeed

Have a liking for someone else’s beef.

But this particular Welshman

In the 18th Century Nursery Rhyme

Was indeed called taffy

And he was a thieving bastard

 

“Taffy was a Welshman was an actual nursery rhyme

Popularised in the 18th Century, so don’t blame me”

FOGHORN LEGHORN DIDN’T LIKE TO GO OUT

 

Foghorn Leghorn didn’t like to go out

It made his heartbeat quicken

So, he wouldn’t even cross the road

Because he was a chicken

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 6

 

When you’re only browsing

In a department store

Five different salespeople

Sometimes even more

Pestering and prying and

Asking if they can assist you

But when you need a one

There’s never one in view