21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 284

 

I'll tell you a story

About an affluent Tory

Who waxed on the big society

 

I'll tell you another

About Ed and his brother

Who questioned his propriety

ARE YOU WEARING AN ELF OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing an elf outfit?

Does it come with all the kit?

Pixie boots and a floppy hat

The green tights and all that

If you come to the grotto with me

You can call me Santa and sit on my knee

I LOVE JESSICA RABBIT

 

I love Jessica Rabbit,

I watch her films all the time

I find her so erotic

It’s just like watching porn

But don’t blame sweet Jessica

For my peccadilloes

It’s really not her fault

It’s just the way she’s drawn

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 5

 

There is nothing that annoys me more

Than the elevator stopping on every floor

No one gets on or off which irks me treble

In fact it’s annoying on more than one level

DIETING TIP # 8

 

Regarding the eating of broken biscuits

I think I have a tip that might assuage

Cookie pieces contain no calories as

Breaking them causes calorie leakage

A CHICKPEA AND A LENTIL

 

A chickpea and a lentil, what is

The difference between that brace?

It’s simple really because no one

Ever paid to have a lentil on their face

I'VE SWALLOWED SOME

 

I've swallowed some of my

Scrabble tiles accidentally

I’m afraid when nature takes

Its course, it could spell tragedy