ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?

You look very beautiful in it

In fact, you look very cute

In your Santa’s little helper suit

A Christmas hat sits atop your curls

In a way only suited to girls

A beautiful green velvet dress

And white fur trim to impress

Striped woollen legs of green and white

Are they stocking or tights?

Stockings would be in reason

More in keeping with the season

But I would not disparage woolly tights

They too have their own delights

Come and help me trim the tree

And say you dressed this way for me?

I AM WEARING A CONTENTED EXPRESSION?

 

I am wearing a contented expression?

And all that is necessarily attached

I’m a man and at the end of the day

And if it itches, it will be scratched

THERE MAY WELL BE, AS THEY SAY

 

There may well be, as they say

“Plenty of fish in the sea”

But until I catch myself a cod

I'm left holding my rod

ONCE I FOUND OUT THAT MASTURBATING

 

Once I found out that masturbating

Was an addictive habit

I knew from that very moment on

That I just had to beat it

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

 

I always wear a seat belt

Even though they do constrict

But I couldn't work out how

To do it up and then it clicked

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

 

I can’t play my instrument

We were mismatched

So, I am selling my guitar

No strings attached

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

 

I went away to a third world country in secret

Because I knew the British doctors would scoff

So, I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision

But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off