I WAS STOOD AT THE BAR LAST NIGHT

 

I was stood at the bar last night

When a vampire gave me a fright

As I fully expected him to take a bite

But instead, he ordered a blood light

OH NO, NOT HALLOWEEN AGAIN

 

It’s that time of year again, Halloween

Oh how I hate it and its practitioners

All year round we tell our children

“Don’t accept sweets from strangers”

We instil in them from an early age

“Don’t ever approach or talk to strangers”

Then at Halloween we send them out

To ask for sweets at the doors of strangers

 

When children dressed as monsters

Terrorize the neighbourhood

Begging from door to door

Demanding sweets and treats

For not vandalizing your property

The older children or should I say yobs

Wear masks and disguise them selves

Clearly training for a life of crime

A yob in a funny outfit is still a yob

 

It’s that time of year again

The night of night to ignore the doorbell

It’s not twee or cute it’s just annoying

I try to be polite when I shoo them from my door

But I know I will get up next morning

With fake blood smeared on the front door

Eggs smashed on my windscreen

And rubbish strewn across my garden

God, I hate Halloween and its practitioners

ALL HALLOWS EVE

 

I hide behind the sofa quivering in fear

Now the witching hour is near

The curtains are drawn tight

And I’ve turned off the lights

The TV volume is way down low

I sit and cower in its feeble glow

Then comes the knock upon the door

And I curl up quivering on the floor

My heart is pounding my breath is shallow

My mouth is dry it’s hard to swallow

On all hallows eve I live in mortal dread

But not of monsters or the un-dead

The fear that turns my heart to stone

Is Trick or Treaters knowing I’m home

THE THREE FOOT GHOSTS AND GHOULS

The three-foot ghosts and ghouls

Roam the neighbourhood streets

Demanding candy with menaces

When tricks arise after no treats 

DARK MONSTERS FROM THE PITS OF HELL

 

Dark monsters from the pits of hell

Ghosts and ghouls from where they dwell

Witch or warlock cast a withering spell

All answering the ring of the Halloween bell

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 276

 

Little Jack Horner

Sat in a corner

Reading a copy of “Jugs”

Not a classy read

He did willingly concede

But it gave him a couple of tugs

ARE YOU WEARING SCRUBS?

 

Are you wearing scrubs?

It’s not a sexy look

It’s something and nothing

In my book

 

Even though you’re fit.

I don’t care if you’re

Naked underneath

I don’t care if you’re

 

Extremely slutty

You have scrubs on.

I like the nurse’s uniform

Of Pristine cotton

 

And starched white apron

A silly hat

And Black stockings

Scrubs leave me flat

 

But the uniform

Is a different issue

That gets me going… oops

Have you got a tissue?