HER FATHER DRANK BLACK BITTER COFFEE

 

Her father drank black bitter coffee

Her mother sipped earl grey tea

As I stood before her parents

I was full of fear and anxiety

It was a very daunting experience

And it was not at all as I planned

I was there for a noble purpose

To ask for their daughter’s hand

 

As the object of my attentions

Sat demurely drinking her juice

Her father started choking

And mother turned strangely puce

 

We left the house hand in hand

Running head long from the pair

They had both forbad consent

But the lovers really didn’t care

 

So, they went to the Savoy Hotel

And ordered chilled Chardonnay
which came in crystal goblets

Carried on a large silver tray

 

They sat in luxury surroundings

Until the bottle was empty

And their hearts were full of love

And their future was full of plenty

IT WAS A FLAMBOYANT THING

 

It was a flamboyant thing

With a corresponding price tag

But a Black Forest Gateaux

Was really a sponge cake in drag

OLD

 

Old man’s withered fingers,

On a gnarled arthritic hand,

Grip the knotted handle

Of his twisted wooden cane

And in his leathered face

Is etched deep the pain

Of a life lived long

And his aged countenance

Each wrinkle tells the tale

I AM BY NO MEANS PERFECT, BUT

 

I am by no means perfect, but my wife

Has a particularly dirty habit

Which she won’t like me mentioning

As it involves a rampant rabbit

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR GOLDEN DELICIOUS

You can keep your Golden Delicious

I don’t want to eat them anymore

I want a flavour that isn’t fleeting

So, a Cox’s apple is quality to the core 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 259

 

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

Guard the bed that I lie on:

Four corners to my bed

Four angels round my head,

One to watch and one to pray

And two to bear my soul away

This is comforting you may say

But look at it another way

With angels round my bed

And lustful thoughts in my head

I can’t seem to find a way

That I can get my end away

ARE YOU WEARING A NIGHTGOWN?

 

Are you wearing a nightgown?

A subtle shade of light brown

You look sad in your nightgown

You even have a slight frown

Let me grab your nightgown

A subtle shade of light brown

And pull it quickly right down

And I’ll remove that slight frown