PUT DOWN # 54

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he starts spinning you a line

Just say when your patience is done

“I'm no proctologist, but

I know an asshole when I see one”

NEMESIS

 

Nemesis, Greek goddess

Of divine retribution

And deliverer of vengeance

Against acts of hubris

YOU HAVE A REALLY DAZZLING SMILE # 2

 

You have a really dazzling smile

But teeth shouldn’t be that white

Is it because you run them thru

The dishwasher at night

SHE WAS AN OLD LONELY WIDOW # 1

 

She was an old lonely widow

Oft overlooked to be fare

When an elderly friend

Saw her standing there

And walked up behind her

And got his hands on her pair

“Guess who?” The old man said

She replied “I don’t care”

RAMBLING

 

My wife suddenly announced

“I’ve decided to become a rambler”

Now was that walking or talking

An even money bet for a gambler

MY WIFE HAS WOMEN’S INTUITION

 

My wife has women’s intuition

So well-tuned is her technique

That she knows I’m wrong

Even before I manage to speak

THESE AREN’T WRINKLES

 

“These aren’t wrinkles” she said

“They’re laughter lines honey”

I said “I didn’t hear the joke,

But it must have been really funny”