There’s an Army surplus store across the street
That only sells
camouflage gear as far as I can see
I don’t know how well
the business is doing
But it seems a bit of
a niche market to me
And I watched loads of
people go in the shop
But coming out I could
only count about three
I do mental arithmetic
When I’m lying in my
bed
I like to count the
voices
I hear inside my head
This talk of culling badgers
Is completely unsound
If we keep discussing
it
We’ll drive them
underground
I've just had a letter from a solicitor
To “once and for all”
inform me
That contrary to what
I might believe
Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
Living in the green wood
With his merry band
And their stolen
contraband
They feast and they
dine
On stolen food and
wine
Then the laughing
starts
When Little John farts
Are you wearing boots?
It’s a little warm for
that Betty
No they suit you very
well indeed
But they make your
calves sweaty
A Man in a hot air balloon
Has lost his bearings
As he slowly floated
by
He looks down below
And shouts to a man
“Hello, where am I”?
“Are you completely
mad?”
The man shouted back
“You’re floating in
the sky”
