AMPUTEE

 

She said “What happened to you?

“You’ve been in the wars a bit”

“I accidentally cut my finger off” he told her

She asked, “The whole finger, was it?”

“No as a matter of fact” he replied

“It was the one next to it”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 107

 

Hush a bye baby, on the treetop,

When the wind blows the cradle will rock;

When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle, and all.

But don’t worry it’ll be ok, if you live in Haringey

ARE YOU WEARING POP SOCKS?

 

Are you wearing pop socks?

The thought of it really rankles

Those little black stocking socks

Cutting into your chubby ankles

NOT A FOREIGN INVADER

 

Not a foreign invader

But an alien being

Inside me

Living, breathing

Growing stronger

Day by day

While I weakened

And in its strength

Is the knowledge

That it will not survive me

Cannot outlive me

Yet it is content

To kill me

Knowing it will end itself

OK MY LITTLE SEX POODLE

 

“Ok my little sex poodle

Get up those stairs right now

Quickly get up those stairs

You horny little cow”

 

“Oh, you sweet talker

You have the gift and how

I’m your spanky sex poodle

I’m your willing little frau”

 

“No, I mean it get upstairs

You don’t have to kowtow

Just get upstairs without delay

The match is starting now”

JOE AND MABEL

 

Joe offered Mabel a drink and said

“You remind me of my little toe”

She giggled a bit and replied

“Because I’m small and cute Joe?”

She giggled again and he laughed

Then he replied “No it’s not that Mabel

It’s because I’ll probably end up

Banging you on the coffee table”

THE THING ABOUT MANGE-TOUT

The thing about mange-tout

That I want to say to you

Is when all said and done

I could never eat a whole one