NOBODY IS PERFECT

 

Do I care she’s not a perfect 10?

I’m really not that fickle

To be honest any bit of fluff

Gives me a trouser tickle

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 1

 

I think that down below you are bare

You have nothing on down there

There are things you’re not wearing

And I think you’re incredibly daring

But should the temperature turn ill

And you feel in danger of a chill

Fear not for I will execute my plans

And rescue you with my warm hands

THE LOST WEEKEND

 

Oh, what calamity did befall?

What an embarrassment for us all

We over imbibed on Saturday night

And awoke on Sunday none too bright

On the porch the paper lay unread

We couldn’t face it and went back to bed

So next morning which was Monday

We found the paper and thought it was Sunday

So, we had a relaxing fun day

Not realising it was really Monday

On Tuesday when I returned to work

I really felt a proper berk

My boss had a true-blue fit

And saw no humour at all in it

And verbally assailed me with his rancour

Then he called me a total fool

SOME LIKE A GIRL

 

Some like a girl

Blessed with a certain glamour

Some like a girl

Who uses proper grammar

Some just want one

That bangs like a hammer

YOU ARE A WOMAN

 

You are a woman

Who attracts and enamours

You may not mean to

But still every man clamours

For the opportunity

To get in your jammers

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 89

 

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children she didn't know what to do!

Sadly this case is not an exception

If only her daughters had used contraception

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 3

 

Dreams are an odd part of life

Last night my considerate wife

Woke me from my slumber to declare

“It was so bloody unfair”

I said “what on earth is wrong?

“What’s unfair, what’s going on? 

“The life of a sports journalist”

She replied and she wasn’t even pissed