ICE CREAM PARLOUR # 1

 

I went to the ice cream parlour

At one of our seaside resorts

And I wanted an ice cream

But, well, there were allsorts

“Knickerbocker glory sir?”

The ice cream man’s retorts

“Yes, I do enjoy a certain amount

Of freedom in these shorts”

I DIDN’T KNOW MISS WORLD WAS IN TOWN AGAIN

 

If you have begun to tire

Of being the object of men’s desire

Not of being attractive per se

But of being hit on every day

But short of becoming reclusive

Which is of course not conducive

There is little to do but improvise

And swat the insects like they are flies

I DON’T WANT TO BE MURDERED

 

I certainly don’t want to be murdered

So, I find myself rather fascinated

Exactly how important do you need to be?

Not to be murdered but to be assassinated

WHEN I DIE

 

When I die

And I ascend

How long, from

My untimely end

How much time

Must I spend?

What part of eternity

Must I extend?

Wearing the outfit

I wore at the end

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 59

 

Hark, hark my dogs do bark

All day walking round the town

My plates of meat, my aching feet

I just want a nice sit down

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 7

 

I don’t have a favourite,

I love each and every one

Whether happy or sad

Cheerful or glum

 

I love Neater Rita

And Nosy Rosie

Beggy Peggy

And Dozy Posy

 

I love Tatty Patty

And Singular Ingela

Tipsy Bitzi

And Glandular Angela

 

I love Naïve Neve

And Teaser Louisa

Taller Paula

And “Was a Geezer” Lisa

HOW DO YOU MAKE A FRUIT PUNCH?

 

How do you make a fruit punch?

Well, I have a little hunch

But I am my no means certain

But just criticize his curtains