TO PROTECT AND SERVE

 

A police officer was shot

Bravely in the line of duty

And he lay bleeding in the street

From a shot gun injury

There was a lot of blood

But the wound was traced

By the attending medic

To a site below the waist

He was rushed to hospital

Where they fought for his life

And after weeks of special care

He was released to the care of his wife

Because he took the bullet

Bravely in the line of duty

The police Department decided

Despite the extent of the injury

He should not face medical retirement

His wife felt this was undeserved

As he was still able to protect

But he could no longer serve

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 10

 

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,

Had a wife and couldn't keep her!

She slipped through his fingers like sand

So, he ordered another one from Thailand

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 6

 

Just because you have reached that age

Don’t worry, all is not lost

You can still have a sex life

You will just need a younger man

And a set of jump leads

PUT DOWN # 9

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Where have you been all my life?”

Is the kind of line he may use

So just reply to him

“I’ve been hiding from you”

PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

Like “I'm ready for some FUN,

I hope you are too

I already have the F and the N,

Now all I need is U” 

GIRL ON HORSEBACK

Elegant and beautiful I thought

Admiring the girl on the horse

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

No glance back at me of course

 

She sits in the saddle quite aloof

A cut above us I’ve been told

A little bit snobby to tell the truth

But she is a beauty to behold

 

As for the horse she sits upon

A fine thoroughbred steed

A beast like she, looks down its nose

Because like her it’s of noble breed

 

You expect to be looked down upon

By a girl atop a noble horse

But when on terra firma

I would expect equality of course

 

But from her five-foot one-inch stance

She looked down on me once more

Which was quite a feat indeed for her

As I stand tall at six foot four 

BLACKBERRY CAT

 

You had to go out on such a filthy day

Even though you have a litter tray

I suppose outside there is fun to be had

And you’re still active so I should be glad

But why is it that you deign to re-enter?

Taking a path right across the centre

With half the garden on your paws

Only after I’ve washed all the floors