CRADLE TO THE GRAVE

 

I’m taxed on what I earn

By the government knave

I’m taxed on what I spend

I’m taxed on what I save

And every penny in between

I’m taxed from cradle to the grave

RIP OFF BRITAIN

 

What mugs we all are in the UK

With the amount of tax we have to pay

We’re taxed on what we earn at work

We’re taxed on every little perk

Then when we spend our pay

They take some purchase tax away

Very little is exempt from VAT

It’s even on a cup of tea

Even coffee and juices fruity

If you smoke you pay tobacco duty

Then the unkindest tax of all

Duty on every form of alcohol

If you can afford a new car today

There is an even greater price to pay

With seventeen and a half percent more owed

Then you’re taxed to keep it on the road

And you pay Tax on your fuel at the garage

Then in the city there’s the congestion charge

Then there’s a new tax to be faced

Parking the car at your workplace

You’re taxed for the policeman on the beat

And for the lighting in the street

Then Airport taxes for our holidays

We’re even taxed for what we throw away

If we buy or sell a house today

There’s not one tax but a whole array

We’re even taxed on the money we save

We’re taxed from the cradle to the grave

SLEEPING BEAUTIES

 

Men wake up looking pretty much as they did

The night before when they went to bed

While women wake up looking an awful fright

Because they manage to deteriorate during the night

I LOVE ANAGRAMS # 15

 

I love anagrams

Anagrams are great

They are fun

By varying degrees

For example

This is funny

For the Yankees

Snooze alarms = alas! No more z 's

But if you happen to have

A British head

Snooze alarms = alas! No more z 's

ACUMEN AND WOMEN

 

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item

But only when it’s something he needs

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item

Because it’s on sale and not out of need

ARGUMENTATIVE

The unwritten law states that a woman

Has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man may say after that

Is the beginning of a new argument

FUTURE

Until she gets a husband

A woman worries about her future life

But a man never worries about the future

Until he gets a wife