STONE ME

 

In the seventies

I had all the albums

Of the Rolling Stones

Now I’m in my seventies

I have all the symptoms

Of Kidney stones

SENIOR MAN

 

In the seventies

Seeds and stems

Were for chilling out

Now I’m in my seventies

Seeds and stems

Are roughage

PICCADILLY PHILLY

 

We stood on a busy London street

One bright warm summer day

When a girl in a skimpy top

And very short skirt came our way

The girl was walking towards us

And she caused every head to turn

Men and women, young and old

Mens jaws dropped and women looked stern

She was quite an attractive girl

Not a stunner or a movie star

But not worthy of all the attention

She was just a little above par

The reason soon became apparent

As we noticed when she passed

Her skirt hem was tucked in the waste band

And she was completely bare arsed 

DR. NO, NO, NO

 

In 2008

The next James Bond movie theme

Is to be performed

By Amy Winehouse it would seem

I heard her described

As Shirley Bassey with tattoos

Perhaps more accurately she’s

A tatty Shirley Bassey in my view

GENTLY DOES IT

What is the difference

Between purple and pink?

That’s a good question

But it’s the grip I think 

SPOT PUGH

 

How do you spot a blind man?

In a nudist colony

Do you suppose it’s difficult?

Well it’s not hard actually

Uncanny Tales – (59) Fumbling in the Dark

It was in a caravan in Sharpinghead one long hot summer that Paul and Mara lay safe in the darkness as modesty abates and their inhibitions melt away into the night.
Soft lip touches lip as hot mouths engage and inquisitive tongues employ and passion grows.
Eager trembling hands explore eager young flesh in clumsy groping as they cling together beneath the covers.
Writhing in unison, moaning, panting, gasping, the language of lust spoken fluently in licentious converse until the immodest cacophony peaks to imminent crescendo with uncontrollable desire, and the throb and ache of want for that final urgent coupling as they feed in their gluttonous sweaty consumption as they attain their base and primitive satisfaction.