IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

 

In the English language,

In my view,

The longest sentence

Is clearly, I do

THE ABSENT GIFT

 

The man explained why he hadn’t

Got his wife a gift for her birthday

The previous year he bought her

The nice plot in the cemetery

That she had requested, and she

Hadn’t used it, and he was unhappy

AFTER GETTING HOME LATE ONE NIGHT

 

After getting home late one night, very drunk,

He sees something that will forever scar his brain

And the consequence of seeing two of his wife

He quit drinking so he wouldn’t see that again

SHE PUT THE ASHES IN AN EGG TIMER

 

She put the ashes in an egg timer

After her husband’s final breath

So, he would at least be useful

Around the house after his death

HE WAS RUNNING AN ELECTRIC FIRE ALL DAY

He was running an electric fire all day

And he’d never been so extravagant before

But he said he wasn’t worried about the cost

Because he borrowed it from next door

MATRIMONIAL TOME

 

Sometimes I wish

My wife was a book

Simply because 

You can shut up a book

I THINK MEN ARE LIKE WEAPONS

I think men are like weapons

Because if you keep one

Around the house sooner or later

You’ll want to shoot one