I HAVE DISCOVERED AN ELEMENTAL FORCE

 

I have discovered an elemental force

Invisible to us all, it works like radar

That alerts every flying creature

When I have finished washing my car

AN ELEGANT HARPIST

 

There was an elegant girl playing a harp

And the ambiance couldn’t have been nicer

It was culturally pretentious though, paying

A posh bird to play an oversized cheese slicer

ALTHOUGH MY WIFE AND I ARE AGING

 

Although my wife and I are aging

We still enjoy ourselves in bed

It’s not a hot and sweaty pleasure

Because now we read instead

ALL THE WORLD IS A STAGE

 

If it really is true what they say

That all the world is a stage,

And all the men and women

Are merely players on that stage?

Where do all the audiences come from?

To hear the words from the page

MIDDLE AGED HOLIDAY

 

I knew I had reached Middle age

We I went on holiday to Valetta

And among summer clothes

In my suitcase was a sweater

MY LOVE LIFE AT HOME IS VERY APT

 

My love life at home is very apt

Considering the Ice Dancer I am

As we begin with the compulsories

Followed by the short program

Uncanny Tales – (027) Middle Aged Man Syndrome

 

My boss has either been struck down by a midlife crisis or the male menopause, we are not sure which yet.

He has just sold his Range Rover and bought himself a brand-new Porsche or as we lowly employees prefer to call it his “Meno-Porsche”.

There can be few things in this life more ridiculous than a balding man in his fifties with high blood pressure and a dodgy hip, driving an expensive sports car, not to mention getting in and out of it.

In my experience real men don’t even like sports cars, after all they are so impractical, real men like trucks, vans, jeeps and Landover’s.

Women on the other hand love sports cars, which is no doubt the reason that older men like to drive them in a vain attempt to attract women who otherwise wouldn’t look at them twice.

When I look at him admiring his new baby, I’m convinced he feels the Porsche has pulling power.

I feel confident he will soon come to his senses and buy himself a pick up because he won’t pick up anything in his Porsche other than a bad back and the only thing he is likely to pull is a muscle trying to exit the car with his dignity intact.