A man spilt all his Scrabble tiles
It happened in a
heartbeat
Leaving letters
all over the road,
"Well that's
the word on the street?"
Saturday, 11 September 2021
A MAN SPILT ALL HIS SCRABBLE TILES
MY DOG ATE ALL THE SCRABBLE TILES
My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles
When they were spilt on the mat
And for days he kept leaving
Little messages around the flat
I GOOGLED MY SYMPTOMS
I Googled my symptoms
As I had an
irritated eye
And found
Conjunctivitis.com
That’s a site for
sore eyes
WHY DID THE CHICKEN GO TO THE SÉANCE?
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
Rather than stay where he resides
The reason he went to the séance
Was so he could reach the other side
ALCOHOLIC CHEESE # 1
If a cheese is tempted to drink
Too much, it should
not
Because if it does
succumb
It is at risk of
Livarot
Friday, 10 September 2021
Uncanny Tales – (021) Where’s Winifred Bliss?
It had only been called Alexandra Park as long as I
had been going there, before that, it was Cecil Rhodes Secondary Modern but as
Haringey was such a racially mixed borough political correctness reared its
ugly head, long before it was even a thing, and the name was changed.
The racial mix of the area was well reflected in the
student body, in fact the School assembly was like a session at the United
Nations.
There was
however one noticeable absentee in our form room that morning, Winifred Bliss,
and it was noticeable because she was a foulmouthed gobby cow.
She was West
Indian, though I never knew which island, she didn’t really communicate with
the white kids other than to tell you to fuck off.
Our form
tutor Mrs Holiday told us that Winifred would not be returning to the school,
though she wouldn’t elaborate as to why.
Obviously by
lunchtime rumours abounded as to her whereabouts, someone suggested she had
runaway to join the circus, another that she had eloped to Gretna Green, the
most popular theory was that she’d been kidnapped and held for ransom, which
nobody would pay.
It wasn’t
until we had drama with Mr Dickens after lunch that the truth surfaced when he
stood up in front of the class
“There is
some very foolish talk around the school regarding Winifred Bliss” he announced
“So, I have
decided to tell you the truth”
The class
fell silent and waited with bated breath, for what seemed like an eternity.
“Winifred
was arrested by the police during the summer holidays” He said
“What for
sir?” Mario asked
“For
sleeping with boys” he answered
Sleeping
with boys, I thought, what’s wrong with that, though I didn’t say it out loud
as everyone else in the class was nodding sagely like they understood, but I
didn’t, my brother and I often shared a bed with our cousins, and they were
girls but they didn’t get arrested.
I never
voiced my confusion to anyone about Winifred Bliss or the fact I used to get a
stiffy when I shared a bed with my cousins.
A few months
later the penny finally dropped regarding the significance of the phrase “Sleeping
with boys”.
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