MIDDLE EASTERN CHEESE

 

Two thousand years ago

Cheese making beganeth

In Judea, which we know as

The Cheeses of Nazareth

Uncanny Tales – (018) Lustful Intent In The Glens

 

It was a warm summer’s night in 1974 and Marilyn and I were in a tent together when all at once the flaps flew open, that would’ve been the tent flaps obviously and not hers.

“What’s going on in here?” the voice said through the opening

I was lying under my sleeping bag naked from the waist down and Marilyn was kneeling fully clothed, well almost, on an adjacent one.

The voice belonged to her father Ronald

“I might have known Cooper would be in his pit” he continued pompously

Her father was a pompous git of the first order and I had known him for quite a few years and we didn’t get on even before I started feeling up his daughter.

We were staying on a camp site in Perth and Kinross that was once a working railway station before it fell afoul of Dr Beeching and his cuts, in a place called Lochearnhead.

So that explains where we were, though not why we were alone together in a tent on a warm summer evening in Scotland.

We had been seeing each other for about 3 months and we had reached the point on that holiday where a kiss and a grope in the woods and a bit of fingering in the unisex toilets wasn’t enough for her and she wanted to go to the next level.

The reason we found ourselves in my tent was that Janice, the girl Marilyn shared with was entertaining a waiter from the local hotel in hers.

We had been planning the deed for about 3 days prior to that night as it was to be the first time for both of us.

But in the end, as first times go it was pretty rubbish, in fact even at the time I wasn’t even sure it qualified as a first time.

As I managed to get myself into a condom but I wasn’t entirely convinced that I got into her before the incident came to a premature end.

Which is why she was almost fully dressed by the time Ronald arrived.

“Get back to your own tent young lady” he said

“You’re so embarrassing Dad, Nothing happened” she responded which if I’m perfectly honest was the truth.

“I’ll deal with you later” Ronald said

“For God’s sake Dad, We didn’t do anything” Marilyn said, which was true enough though it wasn’t for the want of trying.

As they both walked off into the distance still arguing I thought she looked really horny especially as I knew she had her “Love is…” knickers stuffed in her pocket.

Unlike the young of today we were incredibly naïve about sex back then, we were so much less aware.

Fortunately we were both virgins and Marilyn had no high expectations for the night, having no yardstick to measure it by.

So I got a second bite of the cherry so to speak which I took a couple of days later in the heathered hills of Glen Ogle and afterwards were left in no doubt whatsoever that we had had our first time.

 

GETTING ON # 8

 

When they finally reach old age

Men chase golf balls

Because they’re too old to chase

Anything else at all

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 436

Ring a ring o' roses,

A pocketful of posies

Atishoo! Atishoo!

Catch it, bin it, kill it

POTATOES ARE A STAPLE

 

Potatoes are a staple

On St Patrick’s Day

And mashed potatoes

Are just Irish Guacamole

ONLINE MICE

 

Mice have very high standards

Including their online needs

So when they are surfing the web

Their search engine is Ask Cheese

SAD CHEESE

 

Even dairy comestibles

Are sometimes lacking glee

And when at their lowest

They are a very Blue cheese