21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 439

 

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells

And other tacky blingy show

EXPLODING CHEESE

 

Breaking news: there’s been an explosion

At a cheese factory in Weston-Super-Mare

There have been no reports of casualties

Though there was De Brie everywhere

A TELLING EXPRESSION

 

I told my girlfriend that she had

Drawn her eyebrows in too high

She didn’t say anything in response

But there was a look of surprise

MY WIFE ACCUSED ME

 

My wife accused me

Of being the immature sort

I wasn’t very happy

So I said “get out of my fort”

THE REASON THAT THE OLD MAN

 

The reason that the old man

Fell in the well?

Was simply because

He couldn't see very well

I ATE MY MUM’S CLOCK

 

I ate my mum’s clock yesterday,

When she finds out she'll be fuming,

However, it was a day well spent

Eating clocks is very time consuming

Uncanny Tales – (11) Culinary Disaster

 

I should start out by saying that I can cook, I won’t be appearing on MasterChef any time soon but nonetheless I am not a novice in the kitchen, nor am I a one trick pony, far from it.

My repertoire isn’t extensive but neither is it small and nor am I restricted to one cuisine, so I have a variety of skills, however I cannot do pastry, that is my Achilles heel so I always have to use shop bought, though that shortcoming does not have any bearing on the tale I’m about to tell, so with that established I will proceed with the story.

It was a weekday evening and it was my turn to cook that night, as it was a weeknight and I had to take the boys to football training later, I opted for something quick and easy, Macaroni Cheese and it was while I was making a cheese sauce, something I had done a hundred times before, that disaster struck.
Perhaps it was the very fact that I had done it so many times before that I became complacent and took my eye off the ball, because I mistakenly used icing sugar instead of flour, and the result of this schoolboy error was a strange cheesy custard abomination which would certainly not go over Macaroni and caused so much hilarity from the family, cruel mean spirited laughter to my mind, and with their callous laughter still ringing in my ears I started the sauce again.

At the second attempt my efforts were met with greater success and the Macaroni Cheese was completed, cooked and enjoyed.

But since that day no matter what dish I prepare or how well I execute it, my family still delight in reminding me about the day I made Cheesy Custard.