WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY (17)

 

Who goes there?

What about bob

When the saints go marching in

Where does it hurt?

Why doc

MISS XEROX

 

Photo Copiers are Female,

Definitely I can tell you plain

Because once turned off

It takes time to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device

If the right buttons are pushed

But can play merry hell

If the wrong buttons are pushed

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG

 

I’m fifty years old this year

How did I get so old?

I’m lucky to have survived childhood

It was so dangerous or so I’m told

 

Our cots and toys, brightly colored

With lovely lead-based paint,

No child-proof caps or locked cupboard doors

We actually played in the kitchen how quaint

 

We rode bikes without helmets,

Or any other form of protection

We rode in cars without seat belts

Choosing the front seat without hesitation

 

We drank water straight from the tap

And very often from a brook or stream

We ate sweets with dirty hands

And our milk was topped with real cream

 

We ate full fat chips and bread and real butter

Milk puddings and jam Roly Poly

We drank fizzy pop full of sugar

But we never suffered from obesity

 

When we were out playing in a group

We bought one big bottle of pop

Probably eight or even ten of us

All drinking from the same bottle top

 

We built our own go-carts

Out of bits of scrap, very crude

We’d crash and get bloodied and bruised

Even the odd broken bone but no one got sued

 

In the holidays we played out all day

Getting home before it got dark

We had no mobiles so no one could find us

We did anything and everything just for a lark

 

We played knock-down-ginger and afraid

Of being caught after knocking the door

Our parents wouldn’t get us out of trouble

In fact they actually sided with the law

 

We walked everywhere my mates and I

We even had to walk to school

So if you think things are better today

Then you’re just a bloody fool

 

(This poem is based on an email that was doing the rounds a few years ago. To the best of my knowledge it was not credited to a particular writer but apologies if I got that wrong.)

TAKEN BACK

 

A melody haunts me

Like a ghost from way back

Familiar, remembered

A stardust memory

From yesteryear

A good memory

Of a great time

Of halcyon days

Never to be seen again

I’m back for an instant

Riding the Clapham Omnibus

With girls in cloche hats

And dancing at the Palais

With girls in silk stockings

Watching Morris dancing

On the village green

And noisy steam trains

Thundering into the station

Listening to the band play

In the park on Sundays

Walking my girl home

After a night at the pictures

Sunday lunch at mums

A welcoming fire in the grate

That talk with dad

Before my first date

A simpler time a happier time

But you can’t return

Even if you want to

But you can remember

MALE BAGS

 

Ziploc bags are male

Certain of that I certainly am

Because they hold everything in,

But you can see right through them.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – HALLOWEEN (1978)

 

“Halloween” is a horror thriller, written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill and Directed by John Carpenter.

 

The movie begins on Halloween in 1963, when 6 year-old Michael Myers (Will Sandin) stabs his 15 year old sister Judith (Sandy Johnson) to death.

After being institutionalized for 15 years, Myers breaks out on the night before Halloween, and no one seems be too concerned that Myers' is heading back to Haddonfield, and that he’ll likely be there on October 31st 1978, except his psychiatrist, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence).

But by the time the authorities of the town realize he’s heading for Haddonfield, Illinois to kill again, it may be too late for many of its inhabitants.

Jamie Lee Curtis, Nancy Loomis, P.J. Soles and Charles Cyphers star in what was undoubtedly the first of the slasher film, which has influenced almost every slasher film made since.

OH BOY

 

What you will actually see

When that irritating putz

The Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over

Are his Doughnuts