Mum knitted me a jumper
I hate wearing I as I look silly
But I’m a kid so I have to
Especially when mum feels chilly
Monday, 7 June 2021
MUM KNITTED ME A JUMPER
I CHATTED TO A GIRL IN THE PUB
I chatted to a girl in the pub
And suspecting her
gullibility
I proceeded to proudly
boast
About my special ability
“I can divine when a
woman
Was born, to the very
day
Just by feeling her
breasts
It’s as simple as
child’s play”
“Really? Is that really
true?”
She said “or is it just
a lie
Just so you can feel my
tits
But go on then give it a
try”
So I had a good fondle
And thought she is so dumb
And I teased her nipples
Till they were as fat as my thumb
But she started to get impatient
And I heard her say
“Come on then, what day
was I born”?
I replied, “it was
yesterday”
WHEN
When we were kings
When
love is young
When
I grow up
When
ladies meet
When
the wind blows
When
night is falling
When
London sleeps
When
New York sleeps
When
strangers marry
When
the bough breaks
When
thief meets thief
When
time ran out
When
the whales came
When
tomorrow comes
When
we are married
When
you’re in love
ARE YOU WEARING LEDERHOSEN?
Are you wearing lederhosen?
Well, that’s a look you could lose
And they make your buttocks squeak
Like a pair of new shoes
THE BEST HOME SPUN TRUTHS
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're on the toilet
How
is it that the more beautiful the girl is who loves you the easier it is to
dump her
Easily
kids have more energy after a hard days play than after a good night's sleep
Beauty
is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone
Essentially
nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself
Sex
takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble
The
best things in the world are free and worth every penny of it
Hope
that when the plane you are on is late, your transfer isn’t on time
O
God in you we trust; all others pay cash
Men
can be happy with women as long as they don't love them
Even
If we lose nothing by having things go wrong, take all possible care
So
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position
Pats
on the back are only a few centimeters from kicks up the arse
Unsurprisingly
nothing improves with age
Never
stand between a fire hydrant and a dog
The
magic in the stick is what matters not the length of the wand
Remember
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Usually
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride
There
is no such thing as an absolute truth -- that is absolutely true
Hot
glass looks exactly the same as cold glass
So,
when it seems too good to be true, it probably is
WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY (8)
Who’s been sleeping in my bed?
What’s
good for the goose?
When
the cats away
Where
the buffalo roam
Why
worry
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)