RHETORICAL EMERGENCY

There is a rhetorical question

That gives me indigestion

Is an ambulance driver required? 

To pull over if a siren is heard?

THE WALRUS AND THE LETTUCE CRISPER

 

Well, a Walrus and Tupperware

Have a preference they share

And the preference I can reveal

Is both of them like a tight seal

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH

 

Last night I went to a Neil Diamond concert

And it certainly lived up to the advert

He didn’t stop for an interval halfway

Just in case anyone tried an early get away

LET THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

 

Because it has a light side

And it also has a dark side

Duct tape is very much like the force

It holds the universe together of course

DOUBLE YOUR MONEY

 

The quickest way to double

Your money let’s not forget

Is to fold it in half and then

Put it back in your pocket

WHISKEY GALORE

 

My uncle Patrick drowned

Last week in a big vat of whisky

They tried to save him but

They fought them off bravely

We had him cremated last week

And he’s still burning fiercely

NEVER DO TODAY

 

You have decided

To procrastinate

But never got round to it

Not yet at any rate