IT’S THE QUIET ONE’S

It’s the quiet or silent men

That women have a liking

For the very simple reason

They think they're listening

THE LABORS OF HERACLES # 12: THE CAPTURE OF CERBERUS

 

Heracles when driven mad by the goddess Hera

Murdered his three children and his wife Megara

The Delphic oracle punished him for the murders

By ordering him to perform the Twelve Labors

The labors were set by his cousin king Eurystheus

Heracles final labor was the capture of Cerberus

He was instructed to bring the up the hellhound

From Hades the kingdom of the dead underground

You must first cross the river Styx to reach Hades

Which for the first problem for our hero Heracles

In order to cross the river, you must first be dead

If not, have a bribe for Charon the boatman instead

Heracles met neither condition aggravating Charon

But He simply glowered fiercely at the ferryman

And Charon meekly conveyed him across the river

The greater challenge was yet to come however

Cerberus had three heads, and all had razor teeth  

Covered with snakes on its back and underneath

It also had another great venomous snake for a tail

And over this hellhound Heracles had to prevail

The venomous snakes lashed out at Heracles wildly

While Cerberus lunged at the heroes’ throat directly

Fortunately, he was wearing his lion's skin cape

The impenetrable hide and helmet with jaws agape

He eventually choked Cerberus into submission

And dragged it to Tiryns for his due recognition

TELEGRAM SAM

 

The telegram boy knocked lightly

He was new and nervous slightly

No response so he went around back

And fished the message from his sack

He held a message for the occupant

Who was now calling at the front

It was an elderly lady calling him

“Oh, how exciting a singing telegram”

“It’s just a normal telegram,” said he

“Well sing it anyway,” said the lady

“I don’t sing the messages” he insisted

“Oh please” the old lady persisted

“Well, this is not a singing telegram

As I have already told you madam

But here goes anyway” the boy said

Da da da #Your sister Rose is dead#

RULE BRITANNIA # 4

 

I say I’m glad to be British

And similar refrains

Because when riding through

Our towns in cars and trains

We do not see any sacred cows

Wearing daisy chains

I’LL HANG ON FOR A DRINK

 

An alcoholic is not so drunk

If he can hold for all he’s worth

To one solitary blade of grass

So, he will not fall off the earth

CYNICS

Cynics are those knowing

The price of everything

And the value of nothing

DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN

 

The darkest hour

Is just before the dawn

So, if you’re going to pee

On your neighbor’s lawn

That’s the time to do it