OLD LADY OF THE HOUSE

 

How do you get a sweet little old lady?

To say rude lingo?

Just get another sweet little old lady

To shout out BINGO!

TAPPED

 

It amazes me how gullible people are

They will pay money for any old crap

Paying good money for bottled water

That have been filled from the tap

 

They call it mineral water on the label

And that really makes me peeve

People are to stupid to know that Evian

If spelt backwards is actually naïve

WINDING

Why is it that when I wind up my watch
It starts to run
But whenever I wind up a conversation
Its over and done

OUT OF THE QUESTION

 

I have an observation

I would like to remark

When the stars are out

They are visibly stark

But when lights are out

You’re sat in the dark

A QUESTION OF COMBUSTION

 

I have a question in the back of my mind

Nagging at me and making me frown

Why is it that when my home was burning up?

My house was actually burning down

PARADOXICALLY ENGLISH

 

English is a very peculiar language that I will grant

E.g., there’s no ham in hamburger or egg in the eggplant

Many foreign visitors never quite manage to grapple

With the fact that there is no pine or apple in a pineapple

English muffins were not invented in England in fact

And French fries were not invented in France to be exact

But if foreigners can’t understand us, I don’t give a fig

If a guinea pig is not from Guinea and it’s not even a pig

So, what if quicksand takes you down slowly, who cares?

And does it matter if the Boxing rings are really squares

PLAYING WITH WORDS

This thought occurred to me

Just the other day

Why do people play at a recital?

Yet recite at a play