I DID

 

Marriages between celebrities

And people of that ilk

Are considered to be a success

If they out last milk

THERE IS KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO KNOW # 2

There is knowledge I need to know

Which will put me in the box seat

Why does sour cream have a 'sell by date’

It’s not as if it’ll suddenly turn sweet

PEDANTS SOCIETY MEETING

“Pedants Society Meeting Here”

The sign on the door read

“Every Sunday at four”

“Well not here exactly here”

The sign below added

“But in the room behind this door”

I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS # 4

 

I have many questions

That are not my Jurisdiction

And I ponder if it’s possible

To have too much moderation?

SO NOT ATTRACTIVE

 

I like to see women in a tailored suit

And black tights on nurses make me glad

Uniformed in any kind of military garb

Schoolgirls dressed in skirts of plaid

Even traffic wardens have great appeal

And policewoman in white and blue

An air hostess wearing a ridiculous hat

And I love to see a ballerina in a tutu

These outfits all add to the attraction

Of women as a general rule of thumb

But seeing thongs above their hipsters

Is the female equivalent of builder’s bum

DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS?

 

Does my bum look big in this?

Well, is the answer no or yes

Actually, you have a big bum

So, stop blaming it on the dress

OSCAR AND THE DAME

 

One day with her nephew or niece

Dame Peggy Ashcroft was travelling

In Royal Berkshire on British railways

When they came to a halt just outside Reading

 

For quite a while they were stationary

The train motionless on the silent rail

When looking out the steamy windows

Through the trees they could see Reading gaol

 

“Oscar Wilde was once in that prison”

“Really what did he do to get in there?”

Dame Peggy tried to put it delicately

She said “Well um uh he didn’t really fit in dear”