KEEPING ABREAST

 

There’s nothing quite so disconcerting

When you’re with a girl in a café, flirting

Than for a mother and child to occupy

Your table and you hear the baby cry 

As if the wailing is not enough to bear

Mother flops a breast out, right there

Babies cry replaced by a sucking sound

Causing diners heads to turn around

When she stops and removes the sprog

We are at first relieved and then agog

Her breast, round and smooth like silk

Is still out, the red nipple dripping milk

After the baby had been winded a bit

She then attached it to her other tit

The young girl I was chatting up and I

Could not get away though we did try

This was repeated one or twice more

Before we could escape to the door

We were trapped inside our cubicle

And forced to watch this spectacle

Dispite what we’d been forced to see

The girl agreed to go out with me

Our relationship was at its inception

We remembered to use contraception

THEY LACK COMMON SENSE

 

They lack Common sense

Their failing is immense

But in their defence

It’s the addled essence

Of their adolescence

GO RYAN

 

Flying no frills airlines on the cheap

With no food served or space to sleep

Seats crammed in for them to capitalize

The seats only catering for average size

No in flight film or any entertainment

Very cheap but hardly money well spent

Air conditioning switched off to save cash

At best you’re like animals at worst trash

Poor service and you’re fed Recycled air

And no room in your uncomfortable chair

You must fight your way to have a pee

And you disembark with cramp or DVT

Well done to all of the inverted snobs

Who envied those with cash or better jobs

You have lowered the standards for us all

Bargain airlines now fly long and short haul

FACE OFF

 

I went out with a Welsh girl once

And she had a very bad complexion

With cuts and sores and abrasions

And maybe even a skin infection

I asked her what the problem was

But she was not the type to talk

It was one day at dinner I learned

It was eating with a knife and fork

ARE YOU WEARING A FASCINATOR?

 

Are you wearing a fascinator?

Well tell be more about that

Oh my imagination was all agog

But now you tell me it’s just a silly hat

THE BANK OF MUM AND DAD

 

When I bought my house

My parents kindly helped me

And now I really can’t

Thank them enough - apparently