IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS WEARING TIGHTS

 

When my girlfriend

Is wearing tights

And she over does it

Eating Turkish delight

 

Her mouth stuffed full

She starts to cough

Involuntarily farts

And blows her slippers off

WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU

 

Whatever life throws at you

The thing you must do

To be at your very best

Is bat it back with interest

Or if you are out of luck

Your best bet is to duck

You are safe that way

If you duck out of the way

When there is no way to stop it

Then someone else will cop it

I HAVE FOUND AT MY AGE

 

I have found at my age

When the day is dawning

The easiest thing in the world

Is to roll out of bed in the morning

Getting up off the floor however

Really leaves me yawning

ARE YOU WEARING A VEST?

Are you wearing a vest?

Fitting snugly to your chest

Well, it’s about your vests cozy fit,

I’d like to come twixt you and it

I WAS ALMOST DROWNED

I was almost drowned

Just a few miles from shore

And my life passed before my eyes

God it was a total bore

HOME SPUN

James was sort of a homely soul

Who was happy in his own company

Apart from work and shopping trips

He happily stayed at home you see

 

Some would think him an agoraphobe

They didn’t know what he was about

He was nicknamed the Olympic flame

Simply because he never went out

MONEY TALKS

 If only money could talk

And I do wish it would try

But then if money did talk

It would only say goodbye.