One in five in
The world today
Are apparently
Chinese they say
Now we have five
In our family
So, one is Chinese
I know it’s not me
Well, it’s not mum
Or my dad even
So, it must be one
Of my brothers then
Now is it Colin
Or Lee Woon Jae
I think its Colin
I have to say
Rump, sirloin, brisket, all but the ears
I come to roast beef not to braise it
Liver that can be so good with onions
Tripe, offal, and soup made with their bones
So, let it be with beef the noble cow
When you live on your own
You let your standards drop
You can even turn into a slob
When you start you cannot stop
But it’s your personnel hygiene
Which will suffer the most
And as for your washing habits
They are of nothing to boast
When you live on your own
Sinking so low you will confess
When your standards are low
Even using the spaghetti test
You can peel off your socks
And throw them at the wall
But you can wear them again
As long as they don’t stick at all
Go to Bournemouth for rheumatism
Because
the town is good for it
So,
I spent last summer there
And
they were right because I got it
But soft and light filling, through pastry breaks
Is it the yeast and flour in the buns?
Arise soufflé and lunch will be soon
Who is ready to sit and dine on beef?
Now yesterday I planted out
My annuals in a bed laid out
I went to take a look today
But find my annuals gone away
What evil in my garden walks?
All I see are marigold stalks
Now I see the trails of slime
I know who did this awful crime
Not creepy crawlies or even bugs
But evil little snails and slugs
You cannot poison them they say
That isn’t nice there’s another way
Grit or eggshell on the trail
Or little cups of beer or ale
But I’m not one to treat them nice
They will pay the ultimate price
A young man joined the army
And he was known as Private Parts
But he was never meant for soldiering
The was clear right from the start
He was always finding trouble
It followed wherever he went
And he was often in the glasshouse
Or taking corporal punishment
He became a Major catastrophe
With every action that he took
General disorder was now the norm
They must throw at him the book
But he met a girl in the catering corps
Who was known as the officer’s mess
Everything changed from that day on
As he asked her to wed and she said yes
They married as soon as could be arranged
Saying I do between labor pains
Her bridesmaids were from the cookhouse
And his best man was Seaman Stains
A Sergeant is what he has now become
And finding soldiering really suits
And the couple still happily married
And now they have four new recruits
