I LIKE THE SPORTING BANTER
I like the sporting banter
Surrounding sporting Rivalry
But there is a fine line
Separating it from tribalry
GOLF MODE
A man got on the bus
And sat down next to Bimbette
He smiled warmly at her
And briefly their eyes met
Full of golf balls
His bulging front trouser pockets
Caught her attention
Her eyes almost left their sockets
He said "its golf balls."
And Bimbette said “Oh”
Then continued, "Does it hurt
As much as tennis elbow?"
Friday, 4 May 2012
The Love Selection # 7
THE FLAME WAS EXTINGUISHED
Guttering slowly to its end
The flame was extinguished
A fire once white hot
Headed toward extinction
As passions cool
In the diminishing heat
Of the sombre ashes
Red fades to grey
To leave despairingly
Loves dying embers
Its flame long extinguished
SALT ‘N’ PEPPER HEADED LADY FAIR
All I can do is stand and stare
At the salt ‘n’ peppered lady fair
The woman with the greying hair
Oh beautiful lady standing there
With tresses of salt ‘n’ pepper hair
Please be the answer to my prayer
HOW VIVIDLY I RECALL
How vividly I recall
Seeing you standing there
Dressed in white silk
I still feel the despair
Watching the woman I love
Stood for all to see
Making her vows
To a man who wasn’t me
AFTER AN AFFAIR
After an affair
All too brief
Barely any more
Than an aperitif
She stole my heart
Like a common thief
To leave me
Alone in my grief
Guttering slowly to its end
The flame was extinguished
A fire once white hot
Headed toward extinction
As passions cool
In the diminishing heat
Of the sombre ashes
Red fades to grey
To leave despairingly
Loves dying embers
Its flame long extinguished
SALT ‘N’ PEPPER HEADED LADY FAIR
All I can do is stand and stare
At the salt ‘n’ peppered lady fair
The woman with the greying hair
Oh beautiful lady standing there
With tresses of salt ‘n’ pepper hair
Please be the answer to my prayer
HOW VIVIDLY I RECALL
How vividly I recall
Seeing you standing there
Dressed in white silk
I still feel the despair
Watching the woman I love
Stood for all to see
Making her vows
To a man who wasn’t me
AFTER AN AFFAIR
After an affair
All too brief
Barely any more
Than an aperitif
She stole my heart
Like a common thief
To leave me
Alone in my grief
A Humourous Collection # 11
DESCENDING SCALE
The piano fell down
The mineshaft
And I know that
It sounds a bit daft
There was a cacophony
From the Bechstein-er
That eventually resulted
In A flat miner
FISCAL TRUTH
If you spend more than you earn
There’s no way to fudge it
You are stuck with your debts
If you can't manage to budge it
EGGS FOR EGGS
I like my eggs fried or poached
And scrambled are a treat
I rather enjoy an omelet
But boiled egg is hard to beat
LOCAL AMENITIES
I’ve just been to the shops
They didn’t impress me at all
But if you’ve seen one shopping centre
You’ve seen a mall
TROUBLESOME YOUTH
Police were called to the kindergarten
And the reason for the request
Was a troublesome three-year-old
Who was resisting a rest
INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 2
Did you hear about the guy?
Who was guillotined and how
His whole left side was cut off
Obviously he's all right now
FAST TRACK
I had to run for the train
And I had my laptop with me
And now it doesn’t work
I must have jogged the memory
POLITICAL IDEOLOGY
In a democracy,
It’s your vote that counts;
Which seems perfectly fair
In feudalism,
It’s your Count that votes.
Did you see what I did there?
SNACK TIME
When he’s making clocks
And hunger beacons
The clock man will
Go back four seconds.
INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 1
One of the guys fell into
The upholstery machine,
He was quickly discovered
And they knew what to do
To get him out the machine
Now he’s fully recovered
Friday, 27 April 2012
A Varied Collection
TRUE COOL
They’re the “in crowd”
The cool ones
The clique
Wearing the right clothes
Saying the right things
Defining cool
The un-cool sit
On the outside looking in
Wishing to be “in”
They bully and barrack
And show off to the crowd
The shallow crew
Sneering at cleverness
Shaming the boffins
In front of their crowd
Soon they will know
They have no future
They’re the cool fools
Don’t be envious
Stay with your piers
Friendship rocks
Just stand fast
Stick with your friends
That’s true cool
SOLITUDE IS NOT A NEGATIVE
Solitude is not a negative
That’s something I’ve always known
And for the sake of your sanity
Escape the combat zone
And once in a while
Spend some time alone
DARKNESS EVADES THE LIGHT
Darkness evades the light
It retreats into tight corners
And hides just out of reach
Where the light stops short
And the darkness waits
Patiently biding its time
As the day ebbs away
And the shadows lengthen
Until the darkness rules again
AT LONG DISTANT HILLS
In my youth I looked fearlessly
At long distant hills
Squinting to bring them into focus
With a feeling of contempt
But old age has quickly delivered me
To those once distant hills
As now I stand before them
And I am fearful
Feeling contempt for myself
For not embracing every step
Along that short journey
But its only idle reflection
And regret is useless
For the hills are no longer distant
And now the race is almost run
WITH SALT WATER BLOOD
With salt water blood
The valiant mariners
Are bound to the sea
By unseen chains
And serve their mistress
In sun and rain
But when gales blow
And storm and tempest
Batters and bloodies
They pray to the master
To be carried to shore
And when land sits
Beneath their feet
They crave a deck
And a rolling sea
And are drawn back
To their mistress
IN THE AUTUMN OF MY YEARS
In the autumn of my years
In the twilight of the setting suns
Will I become that which I despise?
A burden to my loved ones
THE RAVAGES OF TIME
Each year shall be recorded
In your now pretty face
Soon your youth will vanish
Fading without a trace
And with each passing year
You will slowly lose the race
You will fall further behind
Until you are in last place
And a lifetime will be recorded
In your now pretty face
They’re the “in crowd”
The cool ones
The clique
Wearing the right clothes
Saying the right things
Defining cool
The un-cool sit
On the outside looking in
Wishing to be “in”
They bully and barrack
And show off to the crowd
The shallow crew
Sneering at cleverness
Shaming the boffins
In front of their crowd
Soon they will know
They have no future
They’re the cool fools
Don’t be envious
Stay with your piers
Friendship rocks
Just stand fast
Stick with your friends
That’s true cool
SOLITUDE IS NOT A NEGATIVE
Solitude is not a negative
That’s something I’ve always known
And for the sake of your sanity
Escape the combat zone
And once in a while
Spend some time alone
DARKNESS EVADES THE LIGHT
Darkness evades the light
It retreats into tight corners
And hides just out of reach
Where the light stops short
And the darkness waits
Patiently biding its time
As the day ebbs away
And the shadows lengthen
Until the darkness rules again
AT LONG DISTANT HILLS
In my youth I looked fearlessly
At long distant hills
Squinting to bring them into focus
With a feeling of contempt
But old age has quickly delivered me
To those once distant hills
As now I stand before them
And I am fearful
Feeling contempt for myself
For not embracing every step
Along that short journey
But its only idle reflection
And regret is useless
For the hills are no longer distant
And now the race is almost run
WITH SALT WATER BLOOD
With salt water blood
The valiant mariners
Are bound to the sea
By unseen chains
And serve their mistress
In sun and rain
But when gales blow
And storm and tempest
Batters and bloodies
They pray to the master
To be carried to shore
And when land sits
Beneath their feet
They crave a deck
And a rolling sea
And are drawn back
To their mistress
IN THE AUTUMN OF MY YEARS
In the autumn of my years
In the twilight of the setting suns
Will I become that which I despise?
A burden to my loved ones
THE RAVAGES OF TIME
Each year shall be recorded
In your now pretty face
Soon your youth will vanish
Fading without a trace
And with each passing year
You will slowly lose the race
You will fall further behind
Until you are in last place
And a lifetime will be recorded
In your now pretty face
The Love Selection # 6
LOVE IS NOT
Love is not
A test of life,
To prove existence
Love is life
Where love is absent
Life perishes
Where love exists
Life is lived
THE TIME I HAVE AWAITED IS AT HAND
The time I have awaited is at hand
As evening falls slowly on my life
And as my light sets on this world
I will once again rejoin my wife
LOVE IS NOT A TEST OF LIFE
Love is not a test of life
That we might pass or fail
To prove if we are alive
Life is a test of love
That we can pass or fail
But we must try to survive
FROM THE SIGHT OF THE FIRST SWALLOW
From the sight of the first swallow
To the moment of the last fall of snow
More than a short romantic interlude
But nonetheless it was bound to conclude
A love born beneath a swallow’s wing
Perished on the very eve of spring
THROUGH SILENT TEARS
I look back through silent tears
To those long forgotten years
When love was young, as were we
And you were to shy to speak to me
And I was to scared to speak to you
But some how we muddled through
And by some kind of strange detente
We spoke whispers full of loving want
And together spent a very happy life
A very happy husband and wife
Yes we certainly muddled through
Until I had to say goodbye to you
But soon we’ll be together dear
And I won’t have to shed another tear
I HAVE A PICTURE
I have a picture of you
A picture in my head
Of you lying naked
And breathless on your bed
In your eyes is a plea
Though words are unsaid
To leave you again breathless
And naked on your bed
WE WERE LIKE A KIT
We were like a kit
Unassembled and incomplete
A loose collection of parts
But we were just parts
And the lesser for it
But there was no manual
There were no instructions
To say which part fitted which
So there were mistakes
Part A did not fit part Z
And part B did not connect with H
But then one day
Part A was in proximity with B
And quite effortlessly
Joined into one entity
And became us
AS THE AUGUST MOON SHINES BRIGHT
As the august moon shines bright
On a clear summers night
There is mischief of a kind
For those with love on their mind
As the song birds serenade
The courting couples on parade
IN THE TAPESTRY OF LIFE
In the tapestry of life
Love lies deep
Finely threaded through
Like a constant breath
Radiating perfect beauty
Whatever scene is portrayed
Love is the constant
Within the weave
MY PROPOSAL WAS REHEARSED
My proposal was rehearsed
I felt quietly confident
I maintained composure
Tinged with excitement
And I was quite shocked
To find her ambivalent
Love is not
A test of life,
To prove existence
Love is life
Where love is absent
Life perishes
Where love exists
Life is lived
THE TIME I HAVE AWAITED IS AT HAND
The time I have awaited is at hand
As evening falls slowly on my life
And as my light sets on this world
I will once again rejoin my wife
LOVE IS NOT A TEST OF LIFE
Love is not a test of life
That we might pass or fail
To prove if we are alive
Life is a test of love
That we can pass or fail
But we must try to survive
FROM THE SIGHT OF THE FIRST SWALLOW
From the sight of the first swallow
To the moment of the last fall of snow
More than a short romantic interlude
But nonetheless it was bound to conclude
A love born beneath a swallow’s wing
Perished on the very eve of spring
THROUGH SILENT TEARS
I look back through silent tears
To those long forgotten years
When love was young, as were we
And you were to shy to speak to me
And I was to scared to speak to you
But some how we muddled through
And by some kind of strange detente
We spoke whispers full of loving want
And together spent a very happy life
A very happy husband and wife
Yes we certainly muddled through
Until I had to say goodbye to you
But soon we’ll be together dear
And I won’t have to shed another tear
I HAVE A PICTURE
I have a picture of you
A picture in my head
Of you lying naked
And breathless on your bed
In your eyes is a plea
Though words are unsaid
To leave you again breathless
And naked on your bed
WE WERE LIKE A KIT
We were like a kit
Unassembled and incomplete
A loose collection of parts
But we were just parts
And the lesser for it
But there was no manual
There were no instructions
To say which part fitted which
So there were mistakes
Part A did not fit part Z
And part B did not connect with H
But then one day
Part A was in proximity with B
And quite effortlessly
Joined into one entity
And became us
AS THE AUGUST MOON SHINES BRIGHT
As the august moon shines bright
On a clear summers night
There is mischief of a kind
For those with love on their mind
As the song birds serenade
The courting couples on parade
IN THE TAPESTRY OF LIFE
In the tapestry of life
Love lies deep
Finely threaded through
Like a constant breath
Radiating perfect beauty
Whatever scene is portrayed
Love is the constant
Within the weave
MY PROPOSAL WAS REHEARSED
My proposal was rehearsed
I felt quietly confident
I maintained composure
Tinged with excitement
And I was quite shocked
To find her ambivalent
A Humourous Collection # 10
CALL CENTER MODE
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her
"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"
"Do you have any windows open?"
The tech support guy asks her
"Are you mad? Its mid December
And I’m calling from Alaska”
WHAT DO YOU CALL?
What do you call?
The first asylum seeker to appear
From his hiding place
Obviously it’s Amir
What do you call?
The second one, come to dwell
To have a better life
His name’s Amir Azwel!
What do you call?
The third man lithe of limb
Immerging from the truck
Amir Azwel Azim!
A MEDICAL MIRACLE
The alphabet of doom
(I’m)
Arthritic,
Bronchial,
Calloused,
(And)
Decaying,
Exitial,
Flatulent,
Gaseous,
(And)
Haemorrhoidal,
Incontinent,
Jaundiced,
Knackered,
Liver spotted,
(And)
Myopic,
Neuralgic,
Overdue,
Preoperative,
(And)
Queasy,
Rheumatic,
Shaky,
Tremulous,
Unviable,
(And)
Viral,
(A)
Worrywart,
Xanthochroic,
Yellow
(And)
Zeroed
(And that’s on a good day)
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 12
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working as an elocutionist
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the clients
When it says Enunciate, Enunciate
ONCE I ROCKED YOUR WORLD
Once I rocked your world
And made you turn and stare
But that was a world away
Now I rock my rocking chair
CLAUDE AND MAUD
An unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
Spent what they
Could ill afford
And ended up
Committing fraud
So the unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
To avoid the law
Fled abroad
INVIGILATED
Sitting the final exam
Was quite frankly, fruitless
Trying to write with
A broken pencil is pointless
FISHY BEHAVIOUR
When fish are in schools
Their behaviour is sedate
Except of course for the days
When they take debate
BATTERY CONUNDRUM
It used to be “batteries not included”
For products small and large
Now they come with batteries
But are they free of charge?
LIVING FROM HAND TO MOUTH
She was a manicurist
He was a dentist
And when they wed
It was widely said
That they couldn’t fail
But they fight tooth and nail
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her
"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"
"Do you have any windows open?"
The tech support guy asks her
"Are you mad? Its mid December
And I’m calling from Alaska”
WHAT DO YOU CALL?
What do you call?
The first asylum seeker to appear
From his hiding place
Obviously it’s Amir
What do you call?
The second one, come to dwell
To have a better life
His name’s Amir Azwel!
What do you call?
The third man lithe of limb
Immerging from the truck
Amir Azwel Azim!
A MEDICAL MIRACLE
The alphabet of doom
(I’m)
Arthritic,
Bronchial,
Calloused,
(And)
Decaying,
Exitial,
Flatulent,
Gaseous,
(And)
Haemorrhoidal,
Incontinent,
Jaundiced,
Knackered,
Liver spotted,
(And)
Myopic,
Neuralgic,
Overdue,
Preoperative,
(And)
Queasy,
Rheumatic,
Shaky,
Tremulous,
Unviable,
(And)
Viral,
(A)
Worrywart,
Xanthochroic,
Yellow
(And)
Zeroed
(And that’s on a good day)
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 12
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working as an elocutionist
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the clients
When it says Enunciate, Enunciate
ONCE I ROCKED YOUR WORLD
Once I rocked your world
And made you turn and stare
But that was a world away
Now I rock my rocking chair
CLAUDE AND MAUD
An unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
Spent what they
Could ill afford
And ended up
Committing fraud
So the unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
To avoid the law
Fled abroad
INVIGILATED
Sitting the final exam
Was quite frankly, fruitless
Trying to write with
A broken pencil is pointless
FISHY BEHAVIOUR
When fish are in schools
Their behaviour is sedate
Except of course for the days
When they take debate
BATTERY CONUNDRUM
It used to be “batteries not included”
For products small and large
Now they come with batteries
But are they free of charge?
LIVING FROM HAND TO MOUTH
She was a manicurist
He was a dentist
And when they wed
It was widely said
That they couldn’t fail
But they fight tooth and nail
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
The Love Selection # 5
WHY DOES THIS LOVE ENSURE A CONSTANT HEARTACHE?
Why does this love
Ensure a constant heartache?
Love should be a salve for your soul
Not a dagger to pierce your heart
Instead of an empathetic companion
With shared values and mutual respect
I get lies, evasion and bitter betrayal
And when my tattered heart
Lies savagely broken
There is no sympathy,
No remorse
Just a shrug and farewell
I THOUGHT THIS TIME
I thought this time
That the love was strong
Founded on solid rock
And standing on granite piles
That would weather the ages
Like a great monument
But at the first hint of storm
The granite crumbled away
And the love fell with them
I curse my poor judgment
And my lack of prudence
As once again I am alone
And my heart is broken once more
The old adage echoes in my head
“What doesn’t kill you
Makes you stronger”
But the words are as empty as my life
But I will make myself stronger
I will make myself an island
My heart will be as stone
And my resolve will be as granite
Then my heart will never break again
MOONSTRUCK
I saw her in the moonlight
Bathed by the white
Of the pale waning moon
And I was moonstruck
An angelic vision
A moonchild of the night
Smiled a knowing smile
And then she took my hand
Beneath the splendour
Of the starlit sky
I took her in my arms
And I felt her tremble
And there we stood
In the magic of the starlight,
Where we fell in love
Where we were moonstruck
A FAMILIAR PICTURE
Seeing you that first time
Was like looking at a picture
A familiar picture
A favourite, dog eared picture
Often viewed, often handled
A picture of someone special
But we had never met
Yet there you were
A familiar picture
A picture in my mind
In my heart, in my soul
A familiar stranger
Who recognizes me
I SAW YOU AND I KNEW
I saw you and I knew
That I wanted you
I held you and I knew
That I was in love with you
I kissed you and I knew
That no other would do
DON’T WE ALL FANTASIZE?
Don’t we all fantasize?
Of that perfect love
That would grace our life
A love that is so special
It would be immortalized
In the sonnets of the bard
I LOST YOU
I lost you
And at the moment
Of deaths knell
A well spring of tears
Unbridled,
Relentlessly fell
YOU TOOK ME DOWN OFF THE SHELF
You took me down off the shelf
You taught me to laugh at myself
You taught me to dance and sing
With the joy of songbirds on the wing
You taught me everything I knew
Except how to live without you
IT WAS
It was in the spring
Beneath the canopy of oak boughs
Where you kissed me for the first time
It was in the summer
In the dappled shade of the same oak
Where you said I do
It was in the autumn
Beneath the falling leaves of oak
Where you were laid to sweet repose
Now it’s winter
And the oak boughs are as empty as my life
But soon I will join you dear wife
I LOOK BACK IN SOBER REFLECTION
I look back in sober reflection
Dwelling in conceit of my perfections
Glossing over my imperfections
But over all I look back with affection
Why does this love
Ensure a constant heartache?
Love should be a salve for your soul
Not a dagger to pierce your heart
Instead of an empathetic companion
With shared values and mutual respect
I get lies, evasion and bitter betrayal
And when my tattered heart
Lies savagely broken
There is no sympathy,
No remorse
Just a shrug and farewell
I THOUGHT THIS TIME
I thought this time
That the love was strong
Founded on solid rock
And standing on granite piles
That would weather the ages
Like a great monument
But at the first hint of storm
The granite crumbled away
And the love fell with them
I curse my poor judgment
And my lack of prudence
As once again I am alone
And my heart is broken once more
The old adage echoes in my head
“What doesn’t kill you
Makes you stronger”
But the words are as empty as my life
But I will make myself stronger
I will make myself an island
My heart will be as stone
And my resolve will be as granite
Then my heart will never break again
MOONSTRUCK
I saw her in the moonlight
Bathed by the white
Of the pale waning moon
And I was moonstruck
An angelic vision
A moonchild of the night
Smiled a knowing smile
And then she took my hand
Beneath the splendour
Of the starlit sky
I took her in my arms
And I felt her tremble
And there we stood
In the magic of the starlight,
Where we fell in love
Where we were moonstruck
A FAMILIAR PICTURE
Seeing you that first time
Was like looking at a picture
A familiar picture
A favourite, dog eared picture
Often viewed, often handled
A picture of someone special
But we had never met
Yet there you were
A familiar picture
A picture in my mind
In my heart, in my soul
A familiar stranger
Who recognizes me
I SAW YOU AND I KNEW
I saw you and I knew
That I wanted you
I held you and I knew
That I was in love with you
I kissed you and I knew
That no other would do
DON’T WE ALL FANTASIZE?
Don’t we all fantasize?
Of that perfect love
That would grace our life
A love that is so special
It would be immortalized
In the sonnets of the bard
I LOST YOU
I lost you
And at the moment
Of deaths knell
A well spring of tears
Unbridled,
Relentlessly fell
YOU TOOK ME DOWN OFF THE SHELF
You took me down off the shelf
You taught me to laugh at myself
You taught me to dance and sing
With the joy of songbirds on the wing
You taught me everything I knew
Except how to live without you
IT WAS
It was in the spring
Beneath the canopy of oak boughs
Where you kissed me for the first time
It was in the summer
In the dappled shade of the same oak
Where you said I do
It was in the autumn
Beneath the falling leaves of oak
Where you were laid to sweet repose
Now it’s winter
And the oak boughs are as empty as my life
But soon I will join you dear wife
I LOOK BACK IN SOBER REFLECTION
I look back in sober reflection
Dwelling in conceit of my perfections
Glossing over my imperfections
But over all I look back with affection
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)