A Humourous Collection # 10

CALL CENTER MODE

One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her

"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"

"Do you have any windows open?"
The tech support guy asks her
"Are you mad? Its mid December
And I’m calling from Alaska”

WHAT DO YOU CALL?

What do you call?
The first asylum seeker to appear
From his hiding place
Obviously it’s Amir

What do you call?
The second one, come to dwell
To have a better life
His name’s Amir Azwel!

What do you call?
The third man lithe of limb
Immerging from the truck
Amir Azwel Azim!

A MEDICAL MIRACLE
The alphabet of doom

(I’m)
Arthritic,
Bronchial,
Calloused,
(And)
Decaying,

Exitial,
Flatulent,
Gaseous,
(And)
Haemorrhoidal,

Incontinent,
Jaundiced,
Knackered,
Liver spotted,
(And)
Myopic,

Neuralgic,
Overdue,
Preoperative,
(And)
Queasy,

Rheumatic,
Shaky,
Tremulous,
Unviable,
(And)
Viral,

(A)
Worrywart,
Xanthochroic,
Yellow
(And)
Zeroed
(And that’s on a good day)

SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 12

Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working as an elocutionist
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the clients
When it says Enunciate, Enunciate

ONCE I ROCKED YOUR WORLD

Once I rocked your world
And made you turn and stare
But that was a world away
Now I rock my rocking chair

CLAUDE AND MAUD

An unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
Spent what they
Could ill afford
And ended up
Committing fraud
So the unfortunate pair,
Claude and Maud
To avoid the law
Fled abroad

INVIGILATED

Sitting the final exam
Was quite frankly, fruitless
Trying to write with
A broken pencil is pointless

FISHY BEHAVIOUR

When fish are in schools
Their behaviour is sedate
Except of course for the days
When they take debate

BATTERY CONUNDRUM

It used to be “batteries not included”
For products small and large
Now they come with batteries
But are they free of charge?

LIVING FROM HAND TO MOUTH

She was a manicurist
He was a dentist
And when they wed
It was widely said
That they couldn’t fail
But they fight tooth and nail