ALEXA

I have always been rather partial
To a skinny brunette
That’s always been my ideal
It stems from when I was a lad of 14
And the time I saw Alexa
I fell in love with instantly
She was two years younger than me
And when I first set eyes on her
I thought I had died and gone to heaven
She was so perfectly beautiful
Of course she didn’t even know I existed
So I would watch her from a distance
A vision of loveliness
Playing with her friends
I never had the courage to speak to her
But I would practice
What I would say
If I ever got the courage
But of course I never did
So I would say them in my head
And make believe
I said the words to her
I would dream of a time
When I would ask her out
And we would walk away together
Holding hands as we walked down the street,
But it was only a dream
I wish I could go back to that time...
When I saw her standing there.
Knowing what I know now
And speak to her of my love
For Alexa, the skinny brunette
If only I could live my youth again

MEMORIES OF JANICE

I found the box in the attic
A flat, rigid white box
The sort that special greetings card came in
It was immediately familiar
Reminding me of my first love
For inside the box
Carefully kept and preserved
Were the love letters from Janice
Scented with cheap perfume
Letters full of young girls chatter
About favourite pop groups and fashions
And the days “must haves”
Talk of adolescent love and longing
Honey coated words of first love
Kept in the same box as her valentines card
Teenage love fondly remembered
The perfume was still evocative
Though faded like the memory
But I could see her pretty face
Framed with that fine brown hair
Cut in a Bob, so it kissed her neck as she moved
Her developing figure that hinted at what would be
Her gentle laugh that made you turn your eyes to her
The soft delicate hands that felt so good in mine
That first kiss that lingered on my lips
Long after we parted
I smiled at the memory
And wondered how her life went
What kind of woman did she become?
Did her aspirations bear fruit?
Or did she muddle through the years like the rest of us
Best not to know probably
The truth might diminish the memory
Of a sweet young girl

BROADBAND CONNECTION

I knew her name
And her email address
And I knew she was a poet
But that was all I guess
From her writing I divined a little more
She was clearly a Christian
And seemed to be an optimist
But I learned little more than this
Her profile only told me her age
And that we were from the same country
However I thought I should contact her
I don’t really know why
I don’t make a habit of it
It’s not in my nature to pry
And I’m not one to seek out correspondents
I have never foisted my self
I’ve never been a joiner of things
Or active looked for acquaintance
However I felt almost compelled
No I actually felt compelled
There was something you see
In her writing I suppose
That struck a chord in me
A kindred spirit possibly
Maybe we saw through the same eyes
Or shared the same moral compass
Or both like apple pies
I don’t know what it was
A connection of some kind
On some obscure level
I should say quite clearly
There was no romantic motive
I’m wasn’t looking for a lover
That ship sailed long ago
Nor did I need a companion
So what prompted it, I don’t know
That aside I then faced the problem
Of what I should say to her
I couldn’t say I felt compelled
Or I felt there was a connection
She would have thought me mad
But while I struggled to find the words
A message popped into my inbox
And it was from her, I opened it instantly
Read the first line and smiled
“I hope you don’t mind me contacting you
I’m not sure what prompted me to write”
Isn’t life strange?

A LONG WALK WITH GOD

CHRIST THE REDEEMER

Christ the redeemer
He died on the cross
He died to save us
And His majesty
Made of the world
A place of hope
A place of grace
A place of freedom
A place of love
He called us from the darkness
Into His loving light

GOD IS IN MY FINGERS

God is in my fingers
When I play guitar
God is in my footsteps
When I must travel far

God is in my lips
When I whistle a tune
God is in my voice
When I sing or croon

God is my protector
When my goal is reached
God is in my heart
When his word is preached

God is my salvation
In every single way
God is in my heart
Every single day

OH GOD IN HEAVEN

Oh God in heaven
I thank you
For your son
For supporting me
Embracing me
Accepting me
For offering me your hand
Your loving hand
We sing oh Lord
To praise you
For you support us
Embrace us
Accept us
You offer us your hand
Your loving hand
We give ourselves oh Lord
Into your love

SING IN PRAISE TO GOD ON HIGH

Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your heart

Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept His
Great gift of love

Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your life

Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept Him
As your saviour

IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS

When the world
Appears a troubled place
When you see pain
Etched into every face
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross

When evil lives
In the hearts of man
When our neighbours
Plot our destruction
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross

When you are burdened
With anxiety and fear
When you are so desperate
For someone to hear
Look for Him
In the shadow of the cross



THE BORN AGAIN GOD

Kneeling before the cross,
A simple sign of faith
A potent symbol of his love
A symbol whose holy shadow
Casts the light of love across the world
I am in the presence of the Lord
I feel His hand on my shoulder
His love in my heart
I find I am at peace
In the presence of the lord
I feel His reassuring presence
The Son of God
The Prince of Peace
Who died upon the cross
Who died on a hill in Calvary
And was born again
I feel the power of His glory
I feel at peace
I feel his Godliness
His Goodliness
He surrounds me with his love
And he comforts me
Making the world a less savage place

SENIOR HUMOUR

SENIOR CONTRCEPTION

Jimmy was in his seventies
And took himself a young wife
He biggest concern was fatherhood
At his time of life

“What birth control would you suggest?
Which would be best for me?”
He asked his doctor, who replied
“I think in your case, nudity”

SENIOR LIFT

I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that I just heard
My favourite song in the elevator

SENIOR DIVAN

I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that having sex in a single bed
Isn’t an option any longer

I MAY NOT ALWAYS TELL YOU

I may not always tell you
But you are everything to me
When I awaken in the morning
You're first in my thoughts
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

The love we feel the deepest
Is the hardest to express
But in your heart you must know
How much I love you
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

Emotions and the feelings
I sometimes tend to hide
But when we're together
I count my blessings
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

You're first in my thoughts
Every moment of every day
I should just say “I love you”
But this is not the way for me
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me

UNDER ACHIEVING

UNDER ACHIEVING

Gillian finished her first week at school
And had a very unhappy look on her face
She said to her mum who was showing concern
“I’m just wasting my time at that place”
Mum asked her “why ever do you think that?”
Then Gillian exploded in an angry squawk
“Well mother I can't read and I can't write,
And then they won't even let me talk!'

WRINKLE FREE

I have discovered a great way
To get wrinkle free skin
I just eat as much as I want
And the fat fills them in

TWIN DELIGHT

My friend has got a new girlfriend
And he’s sleeping with her and her twin
I asked how he could tell them apart
He said her brother has stubble on his chin

CATWALK STRUT

She strutted down the catwalk
In an outfit to make the critics talk
It was called simply “Iridescence”
And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance
Her outfit was called the wonder of the age
I think I’d prefer something in beige

AN ACT OF VANDALISM

Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her lips
And a glow upon her cheek

WEDDING VOW

When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me said
I will give you ten acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the land for 10 years now

UNTRUE SUE

I sit at home alone
Waiting by the telephone
Hoping to hear her tender tone

But all the time I knew
It was fruitless to pursue
The fickle heart of Sue

I’ll spend no more nights alone
Waiting for Sue to phone
I’m better off on my own

So let me warn you about sue
Before she gets her hooks in you
Her love is definitely untrue

For as soon as you’re apart
The infidelity will start
For she has a cheating heart

ROMANTIC GESTURE

My wife told me to be more romantic
And to book a table for Valentines Day
When we arrived at the snooker hall
I can tell you there was all hell to pay

PARTIALITY

Have you always been partial to a skinny red head?
But you married a twenty stone brunette instead
Have you always hankered for someone small and petite?
Instead you married a woman with size ten feet
Were you attracted to intelligent women with wit?
But instead you married some uncouth twit
Did you always fancy a girl with figure that swings?
But instead you’re stuck with miss bingo wings
Do you ever think your perfect woman got away?
Well you are not alone because I think it every day