Wednesday, 21 April 2010

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – CALLIOPE (MUSE OF EPIC POETRY)

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – CALLIOPE (MUSE OF EPIC POETRY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The first was,
The divine Calliope,
Beautiful-voiced,
Was the muse of the epic poets
A writing tablet in her hand
Calliope was Homer's muse
Inspiration for the Iliad
Divine influence of the Odyssey

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – CLIO (MUSE OF HISTORY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The second was,
The divine Clio
The maker of fame,
Was the muse of history
A parchment scroll in her hands
Clio was the proclaimer

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – ERATO (MUSE OF EROTIC POETRY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The third was,
The divine Erato,
Desired and lovely,
Was the muse of the lyric poets
A golden arrow in her hand
Muse of love verse
And of Erotic poetry
Erato the muse who charms the sight
And inspires love in everybody

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – EUTERPE (MUSE OF LYRICAL POETRY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The fourth was,
The divine Euterpe,
Rejoicing well,
Was firstly the muse of music
Then of Lyrical poetry
A double flute in her hand
Euterpe the Giver of delight

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – MELPOMÈNE (MUSE OF TRAGEDY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The fifth was,
The divine Melpomène,
The one that is melodious,
Was firstly the muse of singing
To celebrate with dance and song
Then she became the muse of tragedy
And hid behind a tragic mask
A knife or club in her hand
Creator of beautiful lyrical phrases
Melpomène muse of Horace

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – POLYHYMNIA (MUSE OF HYMNS)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The sixth was,
The divine Polyhymnia,
The one of many hymns,
Was the Muse of sacred poetry and sacred hymns
Of eloquence and pantomime
In her long cloak and classical pose
Polyhymnia was a serious, pensive and meditative muse

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – TERPSICHORE (MUSE OF DANCING)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The seventh was,
The divine Terpsichore,
Delight of dancing,
Muse of choral songs and dance
A lyre in her hand
Accompanies the dancers
Terpsichore muse of dance
Mother of the sirens

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – THALIA (MUSE OF COMEDY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The eighth was,
The divine Thalia,
Flourishing, in bloom,
Was the muse of comedy and idyllic poetry
A comic mask in her hand
The praises of Thalia, rustic goddess
And in her songs flourish through time

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – URANIA (MUSE OF ASTRONOMY)

The nine muses
Daughters of Zeus
Inspiring of mortals
And nurturers of the arts
The ninth and final was,
The divine Urania,
Heavenly muse,
Was the muse of astrology
A globe in her hand
Dressed in a cloak embroidered with stars
Urania was reader of the stars

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 121

Mary had a little drink
And got pissed as a cricket
She was found in the woods
Showing the boys her thicket

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 122

Mary loved her little lamb
Every single day of course
But most of all on Sunday
With homemade mint sauce

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 123

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself,
but people told me not to get left on the shelf
So I made up my mind and got me a wife
Too late I realised I had surrendered my life

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 124

Cock a doodle doo,
My wife has lost her shoe;
oh what a convenient confidence trick
Just so she can buy some new

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 125

Little Bobby Snooks was fond of his books,
And loved by his mother and father;
But the kind of books, read by Bobby Snooks,
were pornographic in nature

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 126

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
He must be a Liberal Democrat

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 127

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But Humpty Dumpty couldn’t fall
Because he had to wear a safety harness

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 128

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But so Humpty Dumpty wouldn’t fall
He was sent by the head of human resource
On a three week health and safety course

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 129

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Something to wipe noses"
A-tishue? A-tishue?"
Or if not a hankie

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 130

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
They had the right approach back then
Blow up the bloody lot

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 131

Oh, Pillykin, Willykin, Winky Wee!
How does the President take his tea?
He takes it with sugar, he takes it with milk,
He takes it in bed wearing pyjamas of silk

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 132

If all the seas were one sea,
What a great sea that would be!
But if all the seas were one sea,
There’d be nowhere for you and me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 133

I love little pussy,
Now don’t get excited
It’s not that kind of rhyme
That I want to be recited

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 134

Come let's to bed, says Sleepy-head;
Wait a while, says Mo;
Take a blue pill and grab the KY
And we’ll tup before we go.

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 135

Corporal TimWas dressed so trim,
He thought them all afraid of him;
But sad to say,The very first day,
We had a fight,He died alright,
For lack of equipment, poor Corporal Tim

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 136

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
I can’t wait till Christmas to eat some of that
Coz I’m on the Atkins diet and that’s a fact
I just hope that I don’t have a heart attack

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 138

Sing a song of Sixth Sense
Haley Joel Osment wonders why
He’s followed every where
By that Bruce Willis guy

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 137

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With there supply of bottled water
What is it with these bloody ramblers?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 139

Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
We'll all have tea.
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Stop pissing about Sukey

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 140

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Oh I hate runny noses
A tissue! A tissue!
No don’t wipe it on your sleeve!

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 141

Curly Locks! Curly locks! Wilt thou be mine?
You’ll have to wash the dishes coz I’m a lazy swine
But I’ll lay you on a cushion and hold you in esteem
And I’ll make love too you until I make you scream

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 142

One misty, moisty, morning,
When rainy was the weather,
There I met a young man
All clothed in leather
All clothed in leather,
Fitted as tight as his skin
How do you wear it?
How do you move in it?
And what is that squeaking?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 143

Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
Living in the green wood
With his merry band
And their stolen contraband

They feast and they dine
On stolen food and wine
Then the laughing starts
When Little John farts

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 144

Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
Living in the green wood
With his merry band
And their stolen contraband

Maid Marion comes no more
To the camp of the out laws
Since she saw the merry band
Skipping around holding hands

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 145

See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck.
See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have a pin

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 146

See a pin, pick it up
Then you're sure to have good luck,
See a pin, prick yourself
And end up with hepatitis

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 147

See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck.
See a pin let it lay,
And you wont be lumbered with a pin all day

Thursday, 8 April 2010

SAPPHO’S FIRST KISS

When first sweet Sappho
Kissed me, I was shocked
The secret of my sexuality
Was finally unlocked

Sex had always left me cold
With no heat or fire
Now with Sappho’s kiss
I felt the burning desire

This was the first time
I’d felt this way
It never occurred to me
That I might be gay

Her hands fondled me
Inside my open shirt
Then she kissed my breasts
And her hand was up my skirt

My head was swimming
As my nipples felt her lips
Then she pulled my pants down
Over my trembling hips

While she sucked my nipples
And kissed my breasts
I felt the ecstasy
Of Sappho’s pudendal caress

SUNDAY SERVICE

Her dark eyes, sultry and steamy
Flashed a sideward’s glance
From beneath the black lace of her Mantilla
He gave her a browse
A more appraising look altogether
Her eyes flashed up again
A lingering languid glance
Which spoke of her muliebrity
Not the putative girl
They were now the cynosure
Of each others eyes
No words were spoken
Everything was intuit
With amative study
And libidinous perusal
She his object of pulchritude
He her beloved inamorato
Then they had to separate
And the spell was broken
Until next Sundays reunion

WHERE WAS GOD?

When Haiti shook
And the old colonial
Structures fell
Who was to blame?

When the rains fell on Madeira
Making rivers of mud
Where once were roads
Who was to blame?

When earthquake and tsunami
Wreaked their havoc
On Chile’s coast
Who was to blame?

The zealots speak of God’s wrath,
Divine retribution
Against the wicked of the world
Smiting the transgressors
But it’s not the wicked who suffer
It’s the most humble and devout
The poor and the needy
Who suffer the most
Why would God do such a thing?
What would be gained?
It’s not a Godly act
But rather that of a tyrant
That’s not what my God would do
My God is a loving God
Not a wrathful being

The secular blame God
For not stopping natural disasters
They don’t believe in him
But blame him anyway
Where was God?
What was God doing when he was needed?
When something wonderful happens
They praise nature’s ingenuity
Yet when tragedy strikes
It’s “where was God?”
God is not to blame
It is not within his power to prevent disasters
So he does what he can
He comforts and supports
Eases suffering and ends pain
But my God is not to blame

Mother Nature is the culprit
The planet is angry with mankind
And unleashes these acts of spite
To punish us for our indifference
Mother Nature roars
And defines our insignificance
When the earth moves
And mountains split
When winds tear up all before them
And the seas rise up
We are powerless
But we are not alone
When we are at our most vulnerable
Who do we call upon? God
Whoever that God might be
Mine is an understanding God
A compassionate God

LENT

LENT

This time of year is significant
For what Lent represents
But I have racked my brains
And don’t know what to give up for lent
I really don’t know what to give up
I don’t have a sweet tooth
And I neither smoke nor drink
No vices at all and that’s the truth
So despite its significance
For what Lent represents
I have come to the conclusion
It’s easier just to give up lent

I HAVE GIVEN UP FOR LENT

I have given up for lent
Pate de fois gras
Lobster thermadore
And Beluga caviar
Well in a way
I’ve never had them ever
But I won’t have them
Between now and Easter

WHAT CAN I GIVE UP?

For lent you have to give up
Something that you enjoy
Well that gave me a lot more choices
When I was but a boy
Now it’s not quite so easy
I don’t enjoy too much at my age
So I will have to give up being cantankerous
Or just give up road rage

MANDELA

What makes Mandela a great man?
Was it that he opposed apartheid?
So what?
He wasn’t alone in that
That doesn’t make him great
That would make half the world great

What makes Mandela a great man?
Was it that he led the ANC’s military wing?
So what?
Not really the stuff of greatness
Just another bloody terrorist

What makes Mandela a great man?
Was it his twenty seven years in jail?
So what?
Murder and rape will achieve that
That doesn’t make him great

What makes Mandela a great man?
Was it that he symbolized the struggle?
A beacon against apartheid
So what?
That doesn’t make him great

What makes Mandela a great man?
Is it that he’s a nice silver haired old man?
With a warm affable smile
So what?
That could be my granddad

What makes him a great man?
Was it that he was the first black president?
Of a free South Africa
Very historic
But that alone doesn’t make him great

What makes Mandela a great man
Is his humility
His humanity
He could have spoken in vengeance
Yet he spoke of reconciliation
He could have evened the score
Balanced the books
For black South Africa
He could have unleashed
A black tide of death and destruction
Upon the white minority
Pay back
But he did not
Instead he spoke forgiveness
He could have been a Mugabe
And never relinquished power
But chose to serve only one term
Then handed on the baton
His work was done
His greatness set in stone